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He says he doesn't want to date me

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  December 27, 2013 08:23 AM

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Q: I met a wonderful, age-appropriate single man (60+), who I have become non-romantically close with. We are emotionally very intimate and I would love it to be more. He tells me he doesn't want to date me, but when pushed tells me he is attracted to me and can't seem to give me a clear answer. He calls often, we always have a wonderful time together, and I tease him about his boundaries. I know this could be something right. What do I do?

– Positive I am Right, Cambridge


A: "He tells me he doesn't want to date me."

That's the answer, unfortunately.

He's been clear about his desires (or lack thereof), and you've turned to passive-aggressive teasing to deal with the tension. If you're looking for a partner as opposed to a platonic companion, you have to move on.

Tell him that you love spending time with him but that you have to take space and look for someone who shares your needs.

For the record, you might be right about the potential here. But it doesn't matter if he's not willing to pursue it.

Readers? Should she move on? How should she deal with this man? Is there potential? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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