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He might be a player

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  January 23, 2014 08:54 AM

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Q: Hi Meredith,

I don't know what to do. My older brother (by a few years) gave one his best friends my number during Thanksgiving after said friend nagged him for it so that he could contact me while he was back in Boston over the holidays. We hung out and ended up having a really fun night together, followed by some insanely passionate kissing. Fast forward to Christmas, and we managed to keep in contact since that night, we planned a day to spend together, and it was absolutely amazing. I have feelings for him and he's been very honest about his intentions with me and how he feels.

The problem is that my brother has warned me of his "player" tendencies. Said friend recently was "talking" to another girl in NYC for the past three months, but has told me that since he and I have started talking, he's ended things with her. However, she did come to visit him last weekend. He told me she had planned this trip a while ago and that he wasn't comfortable telling her to cancel her flight. With that said, I appreciate his honesty in telling me. He told her over the weekend that things would need to end because he didn't have feelings for her anymore.

I just booked a trip to see him this weekend. My brother is furious. He thinks I'm getting played and is baffled that I'm still choosing to visit after I know he was with another girl last weekend. I'm old enough to make my own decisions and am going with my gut, but I can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Should I follow my heart? I feel like this guy is great and I can't stop thinking about him, but my brother tends to have such an effect on me that I feel like I should be listening to him and that this trip may not be a good idea.

– Big brother, Boston


A: You might get hurt -- or not. Who knows? Explain to your brother that this relationship is very, very new. You just started hanging out with this guy, and you have no idea whether he has potential for the long term. It's entirely possibly that after a weekend in New York City, you'll never want to see him again. Assure your brother that if this doesn’t work out, you won't hold him responsible.

Then remind yourself that all of those things are true. I understand that you can't stop thinking about this man, but for now, it's just a crush. It's pure excitement about all that you don't know. Please keep him in perspective and try to have a good time without planning your hypothetical life with him.

You don't know what this is and you're having fun figuring it out. You're allowed to have (and learn from) experiences that might not work out perfectly.

Readers? Is the brother right? Does he know something he's not sharing? How can she keep the new guy in perspective? Should she be seeing him? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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