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We're so much better in person

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  January 24, 2014 09:00 AM

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Q: Hi, Meredith!

I have been dating a Marine for six months. We went to the same high school but we weren't exactly close. I started talking to him seven months ago and we hit it off. Six months later, here we are.

Thing is, we never stop arguing. He is always away on base and he is at least three to four hours away from me, which isn't as bad as when we first started dating, when he was in FLORIDA. In August I found out he had been texting another girl. The texts I read between them absolutely killed me, but I figured that because I loved him so much, I would try and work things out with him. Since then we have been up and down.

When we spend time together in person things are AMAZING. I mean, it's like a fairytale! But when we are apart, things get out of control and it's exhausting. We have tried to commit to no more arguing or at least to try and talk about things instead of jumping to conclusions and yelling, but we haven't succeeded.

I have tried to end the relationship but he is honestly my other half. I'm a very closed up person, I hate talking about my feelings, and I'm stubborn and push people away all the time, so the fact that I got so comfortable with him so fast is rare for me. I guess the question is, are there things we can do to help us not argue so much? Or just any advice on what to do would be great. Thank you.

– Rose, California


A: It seems to me that if there's already this much trouble after just six months of dating, he's not your other half. In fact, a "closed up" person probably shouldn't be with someone who's so far away and often unreachable. Also, he was texting another girl and you fight all of the time. Is this really a relationship worth saving?

If breaking up just isn't an acceptable option to you right now, you have to see this man more often. I don't know how, and I don't understand the scope of his service, but if you MUST stay together, there should be more trips, more Skype, and more everything so you can figure out if this is really a fairytale.

As for ways to stop fighting, my suggestion is to write everything down. Before you hop on the phone and yell, write a note. Read it and then decide whether it's really how you feel. If it is, email it. Let him think it through and then respond. Take your time with these conversations.

Readers? What can she do to stop the fights? Is it possible that there's something worth saving here? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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