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I don't want kids

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  February 24, 2014 08:42 AM

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Q: Hello,

I have been dating my girlfriend for two years. We have been living together for about six months. We get along very well. We lead a pretty active lifestyle -- skiing, hiking, walking around the city. We both get along with each other's family.

I am 30, she is 27.

For the most part we have a great relationship. There is one big issue though. She loves kids, works with them, and definitely wants them in the future. I, on the other hand, do not like kids and know I do not want them in the future. I do not mind them in short periods, such as nieces and nephews, but the thought of being responsible for them full time and losing sleep and money does not appeal to me.

This seems like an issue that would be a deal breaker, but I want to try to find a way to stay with her but get around this. Do you have any suggestions?

– Conflicted, Lexington


A: It's a deal breaker. Sorry.

The only way to get around this problem is for you to change your mind. It's wonderful that you guys get along so well and like the same outdoor activities, but if one of you wants a baby and the other doesn't, your mutual interest in skiing doesn't matter.

Sit down with her and confront the issue. She should know that you're serious about not wanting kids. And you should take the time to listen to what she wants so that you can feel better about walking away.

There are plenty of relationship conflicts that can be solved with a compromise, but this is not one of them. There is no workaround when it comes to children. Deal with this sooner than later.

Readers? Any hope for them? Is there a way to get around this? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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