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Broken up and cohabitating

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  March 6, 2014 08:19 AM

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Thank you to everyone who came to the Romance Rumble screening of "Serendipity." I'll try to post a pic or two tomorrow. It was a lot of fun.


Q: Hello,

I'm a single mom and have been dating this guy for seven years, living with him for two years, and engaged for one year. We broke up recently because he is a selfish jerk. He initiated the breakup by giving me the silent treatment and then telling me he was tired of the fighting and that we should just stop spinning our wheels. I agreed because I didn't want him to think it was hurting me or that I was weak.

My son and I still live under his roof because I need time to find my own place. We pass each other without saying a word every day. I see him come in late at night, but that is really all I see of him. It's been a week since we've spoken and he recently came into the room where I was sleeping and kissed my forehead and said "sorry" and walked away. Why would he do that?? I don't know if he thought I was sad, but this guy is emotionally confused and mean. He then texted me "What are your plans?" and I responded "for ..." and he said "for our conversation a few days ago."

I don't know what he means because the conversation we had was about how much we fight and just need to break up (his choice). I don't know what he means by "plans." My mind is telling me that he is curious of my plans for moving out, but he said he wasn't kicking me out. I just never responded to him and now he has me wondering. What is your input on this?

– Confused, Laredo


A: 1. The kiss was a goodbye. This relationship went horribly wrong, but I'm sure that there were some nice moments in seven years. The kiss was his weird (and selfish) way of saying, "Sorry it didn't work." It's confusing, but it doesn't mean much.

2. The text was his way of confirming that you're looking for a new place to live. He's not kicking you out, but this awkward living situation shouldn't go on for too long. After all of the silent treatment, he probably just wants to make sure that you understand that you need to come up with a timeline for departure. And you do.

3. It's time to respond to him and tell him that you'd like to sit down and talk about how the move-out will work. I understand that this is horrible and that you have legitimate reasons for calling him a selfish jerk, but you have to push pause on your feelings and come up with an exit plan. Call your friends and ask them to help. Make sure that your son is surrounded by loved ones. You can process this loss once the practicalities are settled.

Readers? What was the meaning of the kiss and the text? Should she be participating in silent treatment right now? What should she be doing? Does she have to talk to him about her timeline? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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