I've been married for six years to the love of my life. Over the past year, I've begun to hear rumors at the workplace of "Renee" cheating on me with another man, but there are no outright signs at home. The shocking twist to this story is that the purported man is not only a coworker, but a man I consider to be one of my closest friends. We've even taken him on vacation with us and accepted him into our apartment. Admittedly, the romance of our marriage has cooled off recently due to other interests, but I feel like that is par for the course after several years together. I still love Renee with all of my heart and have never even thought about being with another woman. My dilemma here is how to approach this delicate situation. Do I confront my wife about it and risk accusing her of something that will jeopardize our marriage? Do I approach my coworker and risk not only losing a great friend, but potentially ruining the great workplace chemistry that we have established?
– Mind-Bottled in Milton
A: Approach your wife, please. Not with anger, but with concern. You can tell her that you've heard these rumors and that you have no idea how to process the information. You can explain that the rumors have caused you to worry about whether she's happy with the marriage. See what she has to say.
This situation is delicate, but it can't be avoided. You can't continue this three-way friendship if you're secretly stewing about what you've heard. And really, your wife deserves to know about the rumor mill -- and about your anxiety. It's her marriage too.
Whatever you do, don't confront your friend. For the moment, this is between you and your wife. Call on that partnership.
Readers? Should he keep this to himself? Should he confront the wife? Do you believe the rumors? What should he do? Help.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.