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Love Letters

My family thinks I'm wasting my time


Q: Dear Meredith,

There's this one man I truly fell in love with almost 25 years ago. We reconnected about a year ago. I was married and divorced twice, and he married once and divorced as well. I always held "Ray" in my heart and soul and still do. The timing was just never right for the both of us to connect.

We did stay in contact throughout all these years -- just asking what's new. His job keeps him away often, and those times he did come home, he insisted we go for coffee to catch up on our lives -- but I always declined regretfully. Finally I agreed to meet with him. Ray was leaving for another very long trip two days later. Unfortunately, our plans fell through. All I can say is that he works for the government in defense.

The reason for my writing is that my children and family feel I am wasting my time and love on someone who is not present or a phone call away. I've spoken to them as much as I could about his position with the government. I have always supported Ray with all my heart for his unselfish commitment to his job.

How do I respond to my immediate family and friends when they make negative comments when I mention his name or anything about him? Any advice for me would be greatly appreciated, thank you sincerely!!

– In Defense, CT


A: "The reason for my writing is that my children and family feel I am wasting my time and love on someone who is not present or a phone call away."

Your family might be right about this. Ray is not around very much.

It's great that he's defending the country, but his career makes him a not-so-great potential partner for you. You need someone you can get to know, not a guy who's always away and leaving for missions at the last minute. It's like dating Superman (or Iron Man). Sure, it looks fun in the movies, but can you really be with someone who flies out the window every night?

The people in your life just want you to be happy. They want to make sure that you're not committing to someone you can't even date. Right now, Ray is just a concept. You can't decide that you're in love with him until you've really spent time with him. Instead of worrying about your family, think about what's best for you.

Readers? Is there potential with Ray? How should she handle her family? What's happening here? Help.


– Meredith



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