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Obsessed with his past

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  March 13, 2014 07:50 AM

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Q: Hi Meredith,

My question is probably insane, but I need help desperately.

I've been with my husband for almost 4 years. Married almost two years next month. Anywho, this is my problem. When I met my husband I told him that I did not want to know anything about his past, and that's how it was until a few months after I moved in with him. A wife of his friend started telling me about his ex-girlfriends and just different things about his past that I never wanted to know.

He is the first guy I ever had sexual interactions with, and I'm very insecure of myself and I can't get over the fact that he has had sex with other women.

I feel like he constantly remembers them and compares. I don't know how to get over the fact that his past is his past and that's it.

What can I do?

– Is this normal? Revere


A: Thank goodness he dated around before he met you. If he hadn't, you'd have to worry about whether he feels like he's missing out. It's great that he spent time figuring out what he wanted. He had those women in his life but they were temporary -- and he chose you.

Please think about whether your insecurity is really about these old stories or whether there's something happening now that's triggering your anxiety. Is it possible that you've settled into a routine in your marriage and that you're worried that he might want more? Try to pinpoint the source of your stress. It might have more to do with the present than the past.

Also -- if you have any questions about his past relationships, please just ask him. It's best to get your information from the right source.

Readers? Is this about his past or is something wrong now? Why does she care about his past life? Is this about her own lack of experience? What should she do? Discuss.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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