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Love Letters

Off again with a soul mate


Q: I'm 24 and I dated this girl for about two years. We clicked like nothing else in the world. She is absolutely my soul mate and I am hers. We are both jealous people and very passionate. Nine months ago we hit a rough bump because of lack of trust from my end -- and she did her best to not let me go. We broke up for a month or so and I went back to her and tried to smooth things out. It started getting really, really good -- even better than before -- but in the back of her mind, she was a bit scared that I would leave her again.

Unfortunately, we started fighting and everything started to get really rough. I asked her to give me some space. For two weeks, we didn't talk at all, and I got really nervous and was stupid and ended up ending it. She sent me a long message that was heartfelt and would've fixed things had I got it when she sent it. But I received it a month later. A few weeks before I got that message, I'd been trying to contact her and got nothing in return and then found out she was dating this other guy.

I got incredibly upset and sent her one final email saying that I hope he's great and all that jazz, and that if she doesn't reply to the email, I will leave her alone forever. And then the next day she ended up sending me an email saying that she's glad that I'm improving and bettering myself. Then she said we should check in in April. And now I'm more insane than before. I cannot get over her. She is 100 percent my soul mate.

I hope you have good things to say to me because right now I'm at an all-time low and I’m just anticipating that meet-up. I've tried dating multiple girls, but it always gets to the point where I am just not interested.

Writing this, I may sound insane, but she's my everything. Give me some good news or tell me what my next move should be.

– Soul Mate, Canada


A: Tomorrow is April. (Hurrah!)

On Wednesday (let's skip April Fool's Day), call her (with a real phone -- no texts or emails) and tell her that you'd like to have that meeting. If she doesn't respond or tries to delay, you must accept that it's over. The end.

If she agrees to meet up soon, that's fine, but don't expect miracles. Just have an honest conversation about what kind of relationship you want and whether your needs are remotely similar. Does she want to stop seeing this new guy? Are you capable of being her boyfriend without letting jealousy take over, especially after this latest break? If you're not clear about what you require, you'll just waste time and cause each other more pain.

The good news here (besides the fact that it's March 31) is that she's not your everything. She's a person you love, but you can exist without her. If she decides not to be in your life, you can find a partner who matters just as much. The point isn't to find a soul mate, it's to find someone who shares your goals and makes you happy.

Readers? Should he make contact in April or let this go? What about the new guy? Is she his soul mate? Any good news for the letter writer? Help.


– Meredith



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