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Love Letters

He keeps canceling dates

We chat at 1.


Q:

Hey Mere,

I am experiencing a weird dating situation that no one in my life can make sense of. I went on a great date with this guy -- we were laughing the whole time and there was no awkwardness. When the date ended we chatted about how much fun we had, how uniquely comfortable the date was, and how we couldn't wait to see each other again. So why wait? We made plans for the next day. Equally fun and awesome. After this date I was on a crazy schedule for work but we made plans for dinner when I could come up for air. We remained in communication during that busy work week, often saying how we couldn't wait to see each other next. When I did return, we made plans a couple times -- both times he made a last minute excuse to cancel. Since then he has not committed to anything concrete. Every time he cancels, he assures me that he still wants to see me and will make it work.

A little back story on him -- he's a great guy but has a lot of variables right now. His living situation and job are both fairly temporary and we live about an hour away from each other. I understand that he may have realized this wouldn't be manageable, but why continue to tell me he wants to make it work and that he can't wait to see me again? Why not just own up to not wanting this instead of continuing to lead me on?

With any other relationship this would be it for me. If you aren't making the effort, neither am I. But those first couple dates were so natural, so fun, and so easy. I have never had an experience like that on an initial date. I've never clicked with someone so instantly. The immature romantic in me wants to wait it out because of the spark that we both recognized. Should I just let this go and stop wondering why?

– Feeling ditched, Minneapolis

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A: If he can't commit to a plan for a third date, you have to bail. (I'm sorry.) You live an hour away from each other, which means that you both have to be excellent planners to make this work. Cancellations happen, but he isn't giving you a real rain date.

He might really want to see you -- it's possible that everything he's telling you is true -- but that's not enough. He has to be good at following through, especially as you're getting to know each other. If he's bad at showing up, this isn't going to happen.

Start considering what else is out there. You don't have to ignore his calls, but you have to keep looking and exploring other opportunities.

Readers? Should she cut him off? Why hasnít he committed to a third date? Whatís happening here?

– Meredith