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Love Letters

I Live With My Boyfriend ... and His Friend


Q:

Hi Meredith,

I'm in my 20s, and I moved in with a†guy (as roommates) and we fell in love. Actually, he fell hard for me first but I mostly saw him as a friend. He pursued me,†I came around, and we've had a lot of amazing†times together.

The complication is that a female friend of his has moved in with us. They've built up a close partnership over the years, and while it is platonic, it is consistent. He values her input and support. She disapproves of our relationship and though he defends me most of the time, sometimes I think she gets through. He may value her opinion and friendship so highly that he would take her side.†

The situation is becoming too difficult and I am considering moving out, even though I am on the lease. What should I do? If I move out, is that letting her win? How should I leave it with this guy? †

– Confused, Washington

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A: Moving out is what's best for your sanity. Forget about who wins -- you're just trying to put yourself in a comfortable living space.

When you started this living arrangement, you assumed you'd be sharing space with a friend. Since then, everything has changed. Isn't it better for you guys to date like normal people -- in different houses? Wouldn't it be easier on the relationship if you both had room for privacy -- and he could talk to his friend without you having to know?

If this relationship is supposed to work, it will, with or without you living in the apartment. Make it clear that you want to keep dating, but that it'd be healthier if you had the experience of living apart and escaping to each other's homes.

If he doesn't want to continue on with you out of the house, you have your answer. He should be open to this plan or have an alternative. Because the current situation isn't working.

Readers? Does she have to move out? Should they be living together anyway?

– Meredith