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Love Letters

Met a Guy On Tinder ...

Letters to meregoldstein at gmail.com.


Q:

Hi Meredith,

I recently downloaded the app Tinder, mostly for laughs, but was surprised when I was contacted right off the bat by a guy who wanted to meet up for coffee. He wasn't pushy at all and none of his comments were lewd -- he even wanted to meet me despite the very non-descriptive photos I used on the app -- so despite refusing to meet him initially, we texted for a few days and made plans.

This guy is a member of a decently well-known band. He was getting ready to leave for a two-month world tour just as we began talking, and he kept canceling our plans because he was busy with practice, recording, and so on. Finally, I agreed to go to one of his shows in my area because I knew if I didn't, we wouldn't meet before he left. At the show I was surprised not only to be introduced to many of his very close friends, but also his drug addiction. Charming.

Despite the mess that was our initial meeting, I'm still very interested in getting to know him. He's away with his band for two months, returning for two weeks, and then leaving for another month and a half. I have not heard from him save two or three indiscriminate text messages since our initial meeting, though he did say he would get in touch when he got back. What do I do? Should I try to reach out to him, or expect something from him? He seems unreliable and perhaps even frightening, but that only makes me want him more.

Thanks.

– Music Man, Location Unknown

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A: Sure. Keep reaching out to him. Obsess over his nonsensical texts, rearrange your schedule to see him when he gets back to town, analyze his new lyrics to determine whether they're about you, and cry to your friends when he seems disinterested. Because all of that sounds fun, right?

If you want to have the experience of pursuing a mostly-disinterested musician, this is your chance! But please know: You will not change this person. If he decides to show up for you, you will be the one doing all of the work, and it will be constant drama and misery.

There are so many guys on Tinder. There is so much drama closer to home. Can’t you just keep scrolling?

Readers? Is this experience worth the trouble? Will he be in touch?

– Meredith