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Love Letters

'Why Sleep With Me and Then Discard Me?'

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Q:

Hi,

I met a girl on an online dating site. Lets call her Cindy. We went out for a couple of dates and Cindy invited me to her place for a movie night. We slept together, and a week after that was Valentine’s Day. I suggested we go out for dinner on Valentine's but she said she was too busy with school work. Cindy is a graduate student so I understood, but I noticed that after we slept together she started to become distant and wouldn't respond to my text messages for days. Now, this is a woman who is constantly on her phone so I figured maybe she wants space. She finally responded to me via text saying she is sorry but cannot really date due to a busy workload at school, but would like to remain friends.

I am really hurt by this because I fell like she used me and then discarded me. She must have known that her schedule was going to be busy, so why sleep with me and then discard me after that? I would have been OK with just being friends had she not slept with me. Is this what people do now? I have never done this to anyone and don't feel like I deserve this. Should I remain friends with Cindy?

– Played, Boston

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A: You don't have to be friends with Cindy. She's just some woman from a dating site who slept with you and then changed her mind. Drop her and move on.

And don't let Cindy represent more than herself. This isn't "what people do now." People do all sorts of things. Some women might want to keep it casual. Others will want to commit and ask you to make promises that you might not be ready to keep. The hope is that you'll find someone, Goldilocks-style, who's just right for you.

It's almost impossible to date without having a few bad experiences. You have to be able to let it go and keep meeting new people. Cindy is only as important as you allow her to be.

Readers? Is this what people do now? Why would she sleep with him if she knew it wasn't working? Now what?

– Meredith