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Love Letters

He Kept 'Liking' My Status on Facebook


Q:

Hi Meredith,

I'm in an amazing relationship. Been together for two years, cohabiting for one. I love him. I've been in four long-term relationships, and this one is just that a-ha one where you mesh just right and things are exciting yet comfortable. Aside from some of his organization and planning habits, I wouldn't change a thing.

The reason I'm writing is an ex. We were together for 3.5 years and had a fairly amicable breakup, although the relationship was tumultuous. Since the breakup, he's contacted me many times (which I did not respond to until a year later, during which time I was single). After a year, I decided to give the friendship thing a chance (around this time I started seeing my current partner). The ex and I exchanged the occasional email or text every few months and met up twice. Then he told me he was getting married. That was cool. I knew he had been living with someone and I was so enthralled with my guy (I'll admit it might have stung more had I been single).

Then, after a year of being friends, he sends a text that states that he can't see or talk to me anymore because his wife is uncomfortable with it. I was hurt, but I left it alone. I didn't respond to that text, and we haven't spoken since. Except he kept "liking" things on my Facebook (and on the Facebook pages of friends and family). I finally unfriended and blocked him a month ago because it upset me that he set a boundary that I respected and he didn't. But now it's always on my mind. I'm hurt, angry and confused. But I'm not sure why. I don't have romantic feelings for him. I've been in therapy. I just need to get this out of my head. How?

– Confused, Metrowest

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A: You're angry that he didn't follow his own rules. Makes sense.

But over time, that anger should fade -- and maybe turn to pity. His wife made a rule that he doesn't want to obey, so he tried to get around it by sending passive messages on Facebook. How sad.

You did the right thing by blocking his account. You actually did him a favor.

Let your anger turn into an eye roll. That's all this is worth right now. My guess is that you're upset because you worked hard to keep him in your life, and now he's just gone -- again. But you never know what will happen in the future. And whatever comes of this, it's not a rejection of you.

Readers? Why is she stuck on this? Did she do the right thing?

– Meredith