Share

Love Letters

Love Letters: He's Having Second Thoughts About Moving In

Another move-in letter. Leases must be up everywhere.

Also, we chat at 1.

Also, also: This isn't technically a Love Letters event, but I'll be introducing it, and it will be fantastic. Susanna just directed the movie "Life Partners," which is very Love Letters-ish, and she co-writes the ABC Family show that filmed at the Globe. She's very cool, and we can just hang out and ask her questions and use a drink ticket and and have popcorn.


Q:

Dear Meredith,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. We are in our mid/late 20s, and it's a very supportive and fulfilling relationship. When our lease renewals came up this year, we decided to start looking for places together. My lease ended before his so I have put everything in storage and have moved in with my boyfriend while we find a place.

Unfortunately, the search hasn't been very fruitful. We have seen a handful of places (two that met all our criteria but had a few quirks), but my boyfriend hasn't been enthusiastic about any of them. His current home is very nice, and I knew with the popularity of our neighborhood that he wouldn't find the same quality apartment in the same budget anymore. The search has consumed most of my free time, and with his hectic work schedule, we haven't had too many conversations lately that don't revolve around a Craigslist posting.

We've talked about his lack of excitement for the search and the apartments we have seen, and his response was that he is "wary about the move." When I pushed him further to explain, he brought up marriage and how he doesn't see that happening for himself anytime soon. It's around the time when some of our friends are starting to get married, but I haven't hinted for a ring or asked for a timeline. My boyfriend likes to take his time with decisions, and I respect that -- but I thought †the decision to move in together had already been made. I know that moving involves a lot of changes and challenges, but I can't wait to take them on together. So my questions for the Love Letters community are: Will these worries fade away once the stress of the moving process is behind us, or is this an indication about our future and should I start looking for my own place?

– The Excited One, Boston

Continue Reading Below



A: Have you asked him whether he still wants to live with you? That's the big question, and no one knows the answer but him.

It's very possible that the apartment hunt has messed with his head and that he's getting lazy about leaving his place. And it's probably weird to have you around all of the time in a space that used to be his own. He might just be annoyed with the present living situation.

You must ask him what you asked us because it sounds like he's ready for honesty. It's OK if he can't match your excitement about the move (some people are just tentative about big decisions), but he has to want to try. Ask him, clearly, "Do you still want to try living together? And if not, do you want to stay coupled at all?"

You might be afraid of the answers, but you have to ask the questions. Unfortunately, we canít read his mind.

Readers? Is this just laziness about apartment hunting or is he changing his mind about the move? Has she asked the right questions? Should he be more excited about the process? Is this his way of saying he wants to move on?

– Meredith