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Love Letters

Love Letters: Holiday Updates From Former Letter Writers

Let's do some holiday updates, shall we?

Our first update is from a person who had questions about kids.

Meredith and readers,

I'm writing to give you an update. I got some really good feeback (mixed with the usual snark), but I really got some food for thought. Soon after my letter ran, I began seeing a therapist. She feels that the reason I don't want to have kids is because of my less than ideal relationship with my mother.†While it's true that I didn't have a great role model and that may be partly the reason why I don't want to have children, it's not the sole reason -- I just don't have any desire.

My husband is still in therapy but our relationship isn't the same. He's grown cold, distant and resentful. I must confess that I suspect he's checked out of our marriage.†I've suggested marriage counseling but he's not interested. †

We've reached an impasse; neither of us is willing to change our position. He still wants to have a child and I still don't want to. I've come to the conclusion that we'll need a trial separation. It's not fair to him to not have the children he seemingly so desires now and it's not fair to me to have children that I don't want.

It breaks my heart and I feel like I'm losing my best friend; there has been such a change in him since his father passed, I sometimes feel like I've already lost him. We both deserve to be happy. If we can't be happy together, then we can't be together. †

-- Childless by Choice

The next update is from someone who was dealing with drugs and other issues.

George and I broke up in the summer of 2012.† He tried to get back together with me once, a few months after our breakup, but I declined and we hadn't had any contact since ... until he reached out to me last week.†

Out of the blue nearly two years later, George sent me several long text messages.† He said what happened between us has been really bothering him.† He apologized for his behavior and told me how grateful he was for the care I provided during his recovery. †George even complimented my physical appearance and had a lot of nice things to say about me.†

I was shocked to say the least.†I wanted to take the high road, but I just couldn't.†So I told him off -- that he ruined my life, that he was the worst thing that ever happened to me, that I never, ever wanted to hear from him again, and that nothing he says or does will ever make up for it.† And lots of other mean stuff.

Wrong or not, I've had a very tough time dealing with the repercussions of dating someone with a substance abuse problem.†He took a part of me that I will never get back.†I needed to let him know just how seriously he hurt me .... and now I feel so much better.

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And a lighter update? Hopefully? From someone dating a younger woman. He suggests that I get a side business going.

Hi Meredith,

I broke with my immature, irresponsible ex-gf. It was something that needed to be done, and I've accepted it (as per your advice). I now understand what I did wrong in the relationship and I'm in a good place. However due to being a busy professional, I find it hard to meet new people. I signed up for Tinder and POF, but nothing has worked. I know it can take time and I'm being patient.

I was actually thinking that you should put your readers in touch. I've read a few Love Letters writers who I relate to -- and some who could totally be a great fit for the letter writer. You should create a network of people (those who write you) and name it "I met you thru Meredith" or "From Meredith with love." †

I've found that the dating pool out there is not as simple as sometimes you make it sound (sorry, no judging though), and a bit scary. Thank you for listening (reading) my update. I'm OK though -- good things come in time.