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Love Letters

Love Letters: Which Guy Should I Date?

We chat today at 1 p.m.

Also, remember to include hometowns in letters (today's letter writer didn't). Send letters to meregoldstein @ gmail dot com.

And please give some real advice to this person. She's in college. Life is confusing.


Q:

I'm in college and there's this guy, Josh, that I kinda dated a while ago. I really liked him but it did not end as planned. Now we've been texting again and basically still like each other. Josh lives near where I live for college. So thatís #1. But now Iím back home for the summer and there are two other interests here.

#2, Jonathan, is a guy who goes to my church. We kinda connected and have been texting back and forth for a week or two, and last week he admitted that he liked me and that he would like to take me on a date. He's super sweet, really funny, he likes to text (we talk all day and night), and we seem to be into the same kinda stuff. But he is a little older ... he's 26 and I'm only 20. But other than that, the only issue with him is guy #3, Chris.

Chris is 24 and also goes to my church and we've been close friends for about two years. So also last week -- on the same exact day that Jonathan told me he liked me -- Chris and I hung out and Chris ended up telling me about the feelings he's had for me for about a year.

He actually asked me to be his girlfriend. Chris and I have been friends for quite a while, and I know almost everything about him. Heís musical, really funny, and we just get along really well and have a lot of fun together when we hang out ... but we really aren't that much alike. We're not into the same music, movies, etc., and when we text we can never keep a conversation going, which is really important to me.

But anyway, I couldnít give Chris an answer because of the other two guys. So I actually told him about them, that they both liked me, and that I had a lot to think about, so I got out of giving him an answer that night. But I have absolutely no idea what to do. Chris and I have known each other the longest, so it would be fair to give him a chance. But I also think it would be fair to give Jonathan a chance. Not to mention that I am interested in him as well, and actually wanna hang out with him alone, whereas with Chris, I already know everything about him and we wouldnít need to do that.

So do I go with Josh, who'll be back at school? Do I go with Jonathan, who has shown an immediate interest in me (and I am interested in him as well)? Or do I go with Chris, even though we aren't that much alike?

– Love Triangle?

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A: This isn't a love triangle. It's barely a love square.

You need to tell Chris that you can't be with him. He wants to be serious and you're just not ready for that kind of experience.

Then you need to hang out with Jonathan -- because you want to. Tell him that you'd like to explore your feelings, but that you're just getting to know each other. No big expectations.

You can't get serious with Jonathan because it's July, and in a few months you're going to want to enjoy Josh back at school. Make it clear to everyone that you're just dating. No commitments right now.

Also -- a piece of advice for life -- don't judge a man by his texts. Texting is an important form of communication for many people, but the in-person stuff is what counts. Some guys can be clever via text for hours but never show up to be a good partner. Some people are great with one-liners but can't handle intimacy. Texting is a wonderful way to keep in touch, but when you're choosing a significant other, think about how the relationship feels when everybody is in the same room.

Readers? Love rhombus? Texting? Church gossip? Be considerate as you discuss, please.

– Meredith