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Love Letters

Love Letters: Why Can't I Keep a Man?

Send letters to meregoldstein@gmail.com or loveletters@boston.com. You're welcome to include your sign like today's letter writer.

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Q:

Hello Meredith,

I†am a 30-year-old single mum who's had a lot of heartbreaks and unsuccessful relationships. I am at this point in my life where I ask myself, "Am I that bad?Ē It seems like I can't keep a man. They just run away one after another. I dated 11 men in 11 years and have been celibate for more than a year. My son is 5 years old.

I am wondering, what will I do if I remain single? I am scared, I must admit.

There is this guy who lives in Canada. My aunt actually tried to set us up, but it failed. I talked to†him for three months and we even met once, but he stopped talking to me after I told him he wasn't putting enough effort into building a friendship and that we should just move on with our lives separately. Itís been four months since we stopped talking to each other.

I thought and I still think that he is the one. I can't get him out of my mind and feel so connected to him. The fact that he is not talking to me anymore after I apologized many times is killing me.

I am going to Canada for three weeks (I live in New York). I am wondering whether I should let him know that I am coming to his town.

Also, why can't I just let it go? I have done that so many times in my life. Why do I keep holding on this ...

Thank you for listening.

(By the way, I am Sagittarius and he is Aries.)

– I Need Help, NY

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A: You're fixated on this guy because you never got the chance to play out the relationship. You cut him off before anything really got started, and now you're imagining what could have been. But it's all fiction. You're thinking about him because there's nothing else to think about.

If you want to shoot him an email telling him you'll be in Canada, thatís fine, but please don't make it a bigger deal than it is. Remember that he's just some guy who has shown no interest since you let him go. Don't let your fantasies cloud your reality with this man. He has not earned much attention. You regret ending things, but you had your reasons.

Also know that it can take a long time to meet someone who fits into your world. Instead of focusing on rejections and why men have run away, think about what you need and whether these men meet your standards. The point isn't to keep a man, it's to find a good partner.

Readers? Should she tell the guy she's going to Canada? Any thoughts on her dating record? Astrology?

– Meredith