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Love Letters

Love Letters: Do I Hit Send?


Please send letters -- and updates for Labor Day! -- to meregoldstein@gmail.com.


Q:

Dear Meredith,†

I was in a serious relationship for two years that ended this past April. We openly talked with our families about our future together -- we discussed rings, marriage, children, and were planning on moving in together this fall. To me, the break up was very sudden because I was unable to recognize any of the warning signs. I was cordial and kind during the whole breakup, although he was crass, hurtful, and mean. He showed his true colors during a difficult time, which is something I cannot ignore. I kept my composure and was too nice to the man who completely shattered my heart.

Here we are about four months later, and he has been seeing someone for the past few months (ouch). Things were left very open. We explained that we hoped that our paths would cross again and that time needed to take its course. At this point, he utterly disgusts me. For someone to go from wanting to marry the "love of his life" to dating another person a month after a breakup is completely unfathomable to me and I feel betrayed. I have a whole message typed out on my phone that I am tempted to send to him. In the message I thank him for acting the way he did, the lessons he taught me, and explain my success and new outlook on life since the breakup. It also explains his heartless behavior, demeaning manner, and how I never want to be a part of his life again.†

We have not communicated in over two months, but the question is: Do I continue my poised ladylike behavior and leave things as they are with him still thinking I believe he is Mr. Wonderful? Or do I let him know how I really feel about him at this point?†

– Four Months Later, Boston

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A: Don't send the note.

I mean, if you're desperate to get it off of your phone, send it to me, a friend, or a family member. We'll read it and file it away. But please don't share this rant with your ex.

It's not about being a poised lady, it's about preserving your sanity. Sending the note could make you feel much, much worse. What if he responds by saying horrible things? What if he doesn't respond at all? There is no best-case scenario here. You'll probably feel bad even if he responds with a lovely, understanding letter.

If your paths cross again, he'll know what's up. But for now, let him disappear. Enjoy your new outlook on life without letting him know the details. Draft folders exist for a reason.

Readers? Should she send it? Would it help her get the anger out of her system? Have you sent a note like this? How can she get the last word?

– Meredith