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Love Letters

Love Letters: He's Hot, I'm Not


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Please send letters to meregoldstein@gmail.com.

I wish we had pictures for this one.


Q:

Dear Meredith,

I have been dating my boyfriend for about two years and everything is great -- except there is a large disparity in our attractiveness. Ever since we started dating, I've been concerned because he is a lot more conventionally attractive than I am and it makes me feel very insecure. At first I was surprised that he continued to date me, and I was even more surprised when the relationship became more serious. However, the nagging feeling that I am not pretty enough for him never went away. 

I'm not sure how to come to terms with this issue. He regularly vocalizes that he is attracted to me, but despite it all I can't help but think about whether other people are wondering why he is dating me. My biggest fear is that someone will push him to "do better." When I see a very attractive girl with a less than attractive male or vice a versa, I always assume there are ulterior motives involved and I worry that people think the same about us. Do you think it's possible that similar level of attractiveness can be just as important as other issues people say are important to long-lasting relationships, such as similar beliefs and values? Will this issue ever go away for me? I don't like feeling like the ugly duck. Your advice is very much appreciated!

– Not a Swan, Boston

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A: You are so obsessed with looks that you neglected to tell us anything about your relationship with this man. Do you share a similar sense of humor? Do you have fun together? There's probably a long list of reasons why you make a good couple, but you're too focused on his hotness to make them known.

People push their friends to "do better" when they're dating someone who isn't interesting. No one wants their friend to date a dud.

If your boyfriend is into you, likes being with you, and wants to be naked with you, all you have to worry about is not being a dud. And frankly, if you continue to obsess over looks, that's just what you'll become -- a boring person who's more shallow than her hot boyfriend.

My advice? Live the dream. Stand tall with your hot boyfriend. Adore him and love him, and if someone gives you a questioning look, shoot a look back that says, "Yes he is, and yes we did. Last night. And it was amazing."

Readers? Have you ever dated someone who's more attractive than you? Did it mess with you? Would his friends really tell him find someone better looking? Will this ruin the relationship?

– Meredith