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Love Letters

Love Letters: He's Texting Another Woman

Letters should be sent to meregoldstein@gmail.com or loveletters@boston.com

Let's chat at 1 p.m. today.


Q:

Dear Meredith,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. We live together and have two dogs and share expenses, etc. Needless to say, we are pretty invested in the relationship. Life for the most part is pretty good. We have had our bad times and stupid fights, but overall, most of our days are filled with laughter and happiness. Recently my boyfriend has started playing for this new co-ed softball league. And lately I have noticed that he has been texting a lot, and when I say a lot I mean the second he gets home from work to the time he comes to bed. When I asked who he was giving all his time to, he said "softball people."

At first I didn't think anything of it until I noticed one day that he was sending multiple texts to a woman called "Emily Softball." He then began to tell me that she picked him up every week for softball (they carpool). The whole situation just rubbed me the wrong way. I do not mind him having female friends. I don't even mind him getting a ride from this new friend. I have friends who are guys but we don't exchange texts daily or weekly even for that matter.

When I tell my boyfriend that I am bothered by this, he says I am overacting. That this girl is a "guy girl." That he has zero attraction to her but he enjoys talking about sports and stuff. Now all this may be true. But at the end of the day he is still investing more time talking to this other woman than he is with me. I don't care if she looks like Shrek and if they talk about ABC's and 123's. I don't feel comfortable with him talking to another woman aside from me and his mother every day of the week. I feel extremely disrespected by this. I would never continuously do something that bothered my boyfriend and I don't believe that the relationship should be one-sided.

– Am I a Crazy Girlfriend?, Boston

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A: Instead of focusing on the importance of Emily Softball, consider the real problem -- that your boyfriend is on his phone from the second he gets home from work until he goes to bed. That's disrespectful behavior no matter what. You'd be bothered by this even if he were talking to Ethan or Evan Softball.

Try talking to your boyfriend about the phone habit. Explain that it's difficult to watch someone text all night. Make sure he understands that you were already upset about his constant communication with others before you knew who was on the other side of those messages.

Let him know that you want him to enjoy the softball and that it's cool that he's met great people. But he should be present when he's with you, just like he's present for the softball people when he's with them. You have every right to ask him to drop the phone and pay attention.

Readers? Should she be worried about Emily Softball? Should she focus on the phone habit instead of Emily?

– Meredith