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Love Letters

Love Letters: I Lost the Perfect Woman

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Q:

I was separated from my now ex-wife for four months when I became involved with someone else. I have known her for about five years however we did not become close until I became separated. We dated for about five months, however it seemed infinitely longer because we knew each other before we started dating and both pined for each other from a distance. I severed the relationship with this girl after my ex found out. She (my ex) led me to believe that our relationship could be salvaged and that we should try to make things work for our kid's sake. Foolishly, I did not see thru her ruse, which was nothing more than a jealous ploy to end what I had with my new girlfriend. Needless to say, the issues that caused our initial separation persisted and within a month of "reconciling" we broke up again, this time permanently (we filed for divorce and it is now final).

Here is my dilemma: I cannot stop thinking about the other girlfriend. I have tried reaching out to her once, only to let her know that I made a huge mistake and that I still have strong feelings for her. She was kind and receptive, which is a testament to her character because I never thought she would even answer my call in the first place. She said she is now with someone else. She was cordial and pleasant though. It has now been eight months since we broke up and I still miss her like we broke up yesterday. I know I'm at fault and don't expect her to take me back. I know if we did get back together, her apprehension would be that I'm waiting for the next best thing. In my defense, I had eight years invested with my ex plus a young child, which is why I thought reconciling might be worth it.†

I bump into the girlfriend from time to time, through work mostly. What should I say to her? Any advice would be much appreciated. I can almost already see the barrage of criticisms, accusing me of being indecisive and impulsive. I assure you these could not be further from the truth. I know exactly what I want for myself and for my daughter. When I tell you this girl was perfection, I mean it.†

– Looking For Advice

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A: If you made it clear to this woman that you made a big mistake and want her back, you've done all you can. She has a boyfriend now. The timing is just off one this one.

All you can do is follow her lead and start to move on with your life. Be warm and sweet when you see her so that she remembers what she's missing. Go on some dates and see what else is out there.

Please don't beat yourself up for losing her. You really thought you were doing the right thing by reconciling with your ex-wife. If you hadn't given it one final try, you'd probably always wonder.

It's possible that this other woman will find her way back to you, but it's important to know that she's not the only person who can make you happy. There are others. You just have to meet them.

Readers? Is she perfection? Should he say anything else to her?

– Meredith