Chats
Dance with me
Come chat with Love Letters' fearless leader Meredith Goldstein at 1 p.m. Log in below to join the conversation.
Let's talk it through
Meredith Goldstein chats at 1 p.m. Log in below and join the discussion.
Dreams can come true
Meredith is currently floating on air after speaking with Robert Pattinson moments ago. For you, she will be pulling it together and chatting at 1.
Caught my husband online dating
Q: Hi Meredith,
I have been with my husband for 12 years, and married for almost 10. I am 34 and we have two kids. A few months after my second one was born, I happened upon a dating site left open on my husband's laptop. He had not only created a profile but also corresponded with several women looking to have an intimate fling. It's a pay for dating kind of site.
We have had several things going on in our life. He is finishing up his studies. We recently relocated to a new state to be closer to my family. We have never had a great sex life because of issues on both sides. It's something we have both tried to work on, off and on. I feel the issues are more on his side though (physically mostly). It frustrated me terribly in the beginning, but I learned to live with it because I thought everything else was perfect. He was thoughtful, helpful, always remembered anniversaries, and always had something special planned. We are great friends, I admired and respected him, and I trusted him completely.
When I confronted him about the website, I found out that he had been doing it for six months (from the time my second daughter was a month old). He said he never intended for it to go anywhere, though he did meet one of the women once. But I don't know how much to believe him. When I first found out, I asked him to not touch anything on his profile until I had time to think about it. And when I finally decided a couple of days later that I needed to go through the site and find out the extent of his betrayal, I found that he had changed some things to tone down what he had done. That eroded my trust further because he had promised he wouldn't change anything on the site. Now I don't think I can believe anything he says.
I don't know what to do. He is a good father. He says he will never do it again. But my trust is lost.
I don't know if I can leave him. I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken family, and I am certain I don't want to remarry or have any other men in my life. I have always been against marriage and felt that it was only because my husband was so exceptional that it made sense (my father abandoned us when we were kids). A divorce would also cause a lot of heartache in both our families (we are from a country where this is not common).
Is this a big deal or is it a deal breaker? I don't really have anyone to talk to. I don't want to tell my family because I am afraid they will stop respecting him. I have asked him to come clean with his parents because it would make me feel like it's a sign of being truly repentant. (I am not religious.) It's been two months since I found out and he hasn't done it yet. He is seeing a psychiatrist and telling her his life story so that's more a shoulder to whine and cry on than someone who will hold him accountable for what he did.
Shall we live together and find a way to make this bearable or should I move on? Am I right in insisting that he tell his parents or at least someone who will hold him accountable? He has lost that chance with me since I already found out on my own. What should I do to make this situation livable?
– Looking for Answers, Massachusetts
A: I'm not convinced that things will get any better if he tells his parents, LFA. Sure, you'll get some temporary pleasure from watching someone else get mad at him, but then what? Don't assume that he'll learn a lesson by confessing. Don't assume that his parents can shame him into being a better guy.
I want you to talk to your inner circle about all of this because you both need support. Forget the redemption and punishment stuff for a bit and focus on getting help from the people who love you.
And please, let's not assume that the psychiatrist is just sitting around and validating him. That's not how it's supposed to go. Tell him that you want to join him at these sessions. And please, see a therapist on your own. Therapy is a good thing.
I wish I could tell you whether to stick it out, but I just don't know enough about what's happening in his head. All I can say is that you have to find people to lean on. You moved closer to your family for a reason. This is no time for isolation.
Also know this: Broken families are bad, but so are tense, resentful families who stay together without love and trust. You need to figure out what will make you a happy parent. That's the most important thing. Find help and start asking questions.
Readers? Thoughts on her telling her community and him telling his parents? What about their sex life? And the online dating? Can a couple move beyond this kind of betrayal? Help.
– Meredith
A Meredith-less chat today at 1
The boss lady is in New York, so I'll be manning the ship today in a manly manner. That means you'll have to step up with more advice than usual. We get rolling at 1 p.m.
Chat today at 1
As this is her big week, our fearless leader Meredith will not be joining the chat today. But it's not a book matter that keeps the boss away, more of a book party matter. She writes, "Tell everyone that I'm only missing chat because my strapless bra is terrible and I have to get a new one." (And yes, I double-checked with her before posting that, just to make certain that she really wanted you to know that personal detail. She always wants her readers to be kept in the loop -- apparently as much as possible.) So let's chat it up at 1 p.m. I'll be steering the ship, you'll be providing the questions and the best answers.
I feel the earth move under my feet
Assuming there's not an earthquake, let's chat at 1 on Wednesday
When the cat's away...
No Meredith today, so I'll be literally manning the ship during our 1 p.m. chat. I hope that's OK.
The 'No Meredith' chat, today at 1 p.m.
Yes, it's true. Our beloved blogger Meredith Goldstein will be unable to join in the chat this week due to some vehicular issues, so I will be (literally) manning the ship. Get it? Sign in below, starting today at 1 p.m.
You can't hurry love
Chat with me at 1.
And enjoy this pic of me telling Glenn what to do at the Love Letters party on Friday night.
Sign your name across my chat
I want you to be my baby (inspired by today's Love Letters song of the day).
I've got 99 problems
and I can't finish those lyrics but we can talk about those problems at 1 on Wednesday.
You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream
My teenage dream was chatting at 1 p.m. on Wednesdays.
It's not you it's me
Actually, it's not me, it's Glenn Yoder.
I'm in NY. Chat with Glenn "Not Meredith" Yoder at 1.
I have a kidney infection
That's not a song lyric. I have one. Yes, I'm treating it. How did I get said kidney infection? Apparently, I don't drink enough water.
Yes, it is moderately uncomfortable. But we'll chat anyway, and I'll do my best to stick it out. Doctor's appt. after we're done.
This chat is on fire with passion and love
The neighbors complain about the noises above.
We'll stop the lyrics there and chat at 1.
That's the way love goes
Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire ...
I'm wheezing a bit less now. Chat at 1?
To the left to the left
Everything you own in a chat to the left.
Glenn Yoder plays Meredith (which involves dressing up in sweatpants and singing George Michael songs) and leads the 1 p.m. chat while I'm away. Be good to Glenn.
Love will never do without you
There's no easy explanation for it ... but whenever there's a problem we always work it out somehow ...
(Work it out somehow ...)
Chat at 1.
Take a deep breath
Howdy, and welcome to today's chat. With Meredith gone, it appears I'm manning the Love Letters ship today. Now, I don't consider myself qualified to be doling out any advice, so instead I'll silently just move the levers and you can handle the advice part. Sound good? I think so.
Pillow talk
Ready for another round of love chat with blogger Meredith Goldstein? Join an online discussion right here at 1 p.m. on Wednesday, August 19. Log in to the form below to get started.
Strength in numbers
Join blogger Meredith Goldstein for what is sure to be a lively discussion on love and relationships Wednesday, August 12 at 1 p.m. Sign into the form below to get started.
Open up
Come share your feelings in a group setting -- a group led by Love Letters' own Meredith Goldstein and a big pack of friends. Get advice and give some, too, by checking out the chat below, which starts Wednesday, August 5 at 1 p.m.
Love found here
Well, maybe not love exactly, but love advice and opinions. Join Meredith Goldstein for her weekly chat on love and relationships Wednesday, July 29 at 1 p.m. by logging in below.
Hey there, lonely girls (and boys)
Resident relationships blogger Meredith Goldstein returns to chat about love and relationships in a live discussion today at 1 p.m. Enter your questions/comments/retorts in the form below and join in!
Your two cents
Got a love problem? Or, better yet, a solution? Want to make your voice heard? Join in a live discussion with Love Letters blogger Meredith Goldstein at 1 p.m. on Wednesday, July 15.
Cure for loneliness
Feeling lonely? Enjoy some camaraderie in a live chat about love and relationships with resident blogger Meredith Goldstein beginning at 1 p.m. on Wednesday, July 8. Join the discussion below.
Love, love, love
Meredith Goldstein will take your questions on love and relationships in a live chat at 1 p.m. today. Join the discussion below.
Get out there
Ready to talk about love? Join in on the conversation with Meredith Goldstein today at 1 p.m., as she sorts through readers' love woes.
Free love advice
Wednesday, June 17 at 1 p.m. Meredith Goldstein (and readers -- you!) dish out love advice, stories, and more in a live chat. Sign in below.
I need more love
We all need more love. Thus, Meredith Goldstein will take your questions on the L-word and relationships in a live chat Wednesday, June 9 at 1 p.m.
Talk about it
Our shepherd of love, Meredith Goldstein, takes your questions on relationships Wednesday, June 3 at 1 p.m.
All together now
Meredith Goldstein takes your questions on love in a live chat starting at 1 p.m. on Wednesday, May 20.
Love talk at 1 p.m.
Love shepherd Meredith Goldstein will be online at 1 p.m. today to chat about love, relationships, and/or the lack thereof. Check out the form below and join in.
Talking love at 1 p.m.
Live from Los Angeles, Meredith Goldstein takes your questions on love and relationships at 1 p.m. today.
Chat on love at 1 p.m.
Meredith Goldstein chats at 1 p.m. today on love and relationships. Enter your questions below and she'll begin sorting through the queries shortly.
Let's talk love Wednesday at 1 p.m.
Meredith Goldstein takes your questions on love and relationships at 1 p.m. on Wednesday, March 4. Enter your email in the form below to get a reminder when the chat goes live.
Talk about love at 1 p.m.
Meredith Goldstein takes your questions on love and relationships in a live chat starting at 1 p.m. today. Enter your questions below for Meredith.
Valentine's Day love chat: Friday, February 13 at 1 p.m.
Our fearless love columnist Meredith Goldstein chats Friday, February 13 from 1 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. Just in time for Valentine's Day, she again tirelessly answers your questions about love and relationships. Also, psychic Joanne Gerber tookyour love-related questions in a chat directly before Meredith's on Friday.
Chat today at 1 p.m.
Got a heavy heart? Meredith Goldstein takes your questions on love and relationships today at 1 p.m.
Chat at 1 p.m.: Group therapy
Last week, about 400 of you stopped by Boston.com/loveletters to chat about relationships and romance. Let's do it again today, shall we? We'll fix it together.
Talk about your love problems at 1 p.m. today
Experiencing a love lockdown? Chat with Boston.com readers and me at 1 p.m. on Wednesdays (please note that this is a new time). We're ready and waiting.
Recent blog posts
Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a new novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith here and on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.
