Dear BI,

A few of my vendors asked me for my "point person" so they can stay out of my hair with the small stuff. Though I appreciate the question, I'm also a little worried that anyone I'd charge with this responsibility might miss critical details of our vision.

Should I assign this role or try to be true to my own plan?

Dear bride-to-be,

Great question! Your vendors are correct to ask you for a point person and you would be wise to assign this very important role to someone you trust both logistically and creatively.

Furthermore, it's important to remember that things can and often do veer off course on your wedding day. However close your point person comes to your creative vision, don't sweat the small stuff. At some point you simply need to resign yourself to the adventure of it and marry the love of your life. Not all will go according to plan on your wedding day, and that "expect the unexpected" attitude will serve you well after the decorations have been taken down.

All my best,

Becca

Now that summer (and wedding season) are in full swing, many brides and grooms are wondering what the best way is to cater to their guests on a hot day. While a summer wedding is obviously a DO, there are some important considerations to keep in mind. Try not to plan your wedding to begin in the mid-day heat. Sitting outside in direct sun can be really uncomfortable, and can be dangerous for older guests. An late afternoon or early evening ceremony will be cooler, and bonus: the light will be much prettier in your photos! It's also a great idea to offer cool drinks for your guests (lemonade is always a hit) upon their arrival at the ceremony site. If you want to be really considerate, you can even put out a basket of summer necessities for your guests. Think: bug spray, sunscreen, and fans. They will love you for it, and they'll have more energy to hit the dance floor at your reception!

Photo by Hello Love Photography

Total Do!

Feeling the financial crush of a full fledged reception with dinner for all of your guests is a legitimate drag. The sense of obligation you feel is real, through probably unwarranted. It's your party, and your guests are there to celebrate you. I don't think they'll feel slighted if you spare them the chicken or fish dilemma. If you're on a budget, or you're looking to throw a rad party without shelling out too much, a rocking cocktail party is a great way to host your guests, and still celebrate your one and only. It's all about the spirit you imbue the event with. Make an iPod playlist of your favorites with your beloved. Rent a mic and speaker for toasts. Dance, dance, dance. The X-factor will be the way your guests embrace the evening. Their collective good will carry the night and then some.

Of course, in the absence of dinner, make sure to retain a chunk of your budget for extra passed h'ords!

For a while, it seemed like everyone getting married had to have their hair in a curly, hair-sprayed, Shirley Temple style updo. These days, people tend to make a more relaxed approach to wedding-day hair. I always say that the most important thing is to look like yourself on your wedding day, and not some weird over-done "wedding version" of yourself. For that reason, I think wearing your hair down is a DO, especially if you wear it down often. You can even do it yourself, if you style your own hair often and have a favorite style mastered. Whatever look you go for, a natural hair style is a definite "do" on your wedding day. And if you are going to do it yourself, be sure to practice! :)

Well, it looks like we are in for another rainy weekend. Hopefully tropical storm Andrea isn't going to be impacting any big plans for you all! In case you'll be staying indoors with some time to kill this weekend, here are a few wedding-related links from around the web.

A gorgeous and unique bridesmaid dress.

Incredible vintage engagement rings - love all of these!

Amazing wedding gowns made out of an... unexpected material.

This eclectic wedding is full of cute, colorful, and crafty details.

Want an unconventional honeymoon? Here are eight amazing "glamping" resorts.

Dear dynamic duo,

Clearly Confused
xo

Dear Confused,

Thanks for writing! This is a tricky one. Although there is no "official" etiquette rule about this (our dear Emily Post is oddly silent about this one!), traditionally gifts are supposed to be opened after the wedding. They are intended for you to use as a married couple. Plus, it's fun to return home from your honeymoon to a little pile of presents!

Modern day attitudes are a little more flexible about opening the gifts beforehand and sending notes at your convenience (within the three month grace period). The most important thing is sending a note - the timeline isn't quite as big a deal.

Hope that helps!

Casey
xo

Although I don't have a dog myself, I am an animal lover and totally understand how dogs can become a true member of the family. While it can be a little tricky to incorporate dogs into the wedding day itself, I think engagement photos are a great opportunity to capture some shots of you with your pet! Dogs lead to great moments of spontaneity and natural reactions, and they can be a good distraction if you're nervous to take photos. So by all means, include your pet in any way you see fit!

Here's a shot of our dear Becca and her husband along with their sweet pup, Bodhi. At their wedding in Becca's parents' backyard on Martha's Vineyard, Bodhi curled up at their feet as they said their vows. Such a sweet moment...

Dear Becca and Casey,

I just found out that my mother-in-law to be is bringing a date, even though we made clear there are no dates allowed. My fiance's parents had a messy divorce, and the last thing I want to do is see old wounds opened up during the wedding.

Help, Nixing the In-Laws and Exes

Dear Nixing,

Sadly, from an etiquette standpoint, I'm afraid this is something that you frankly don't have much control over. Although it might make for a tough moment or two for you and your future husband, it's out of your hands. I would suggest politely asking again for his parents to respect your no date policy, but after that it's up to them to decide what they're going to do. Treat it as an opportunity for you and your spouse to grow together. Talk openly and frequently. Perhaps a family counseling meeting with your rabbi, pastor, or local therapist is in order. The bottom line is communication is vital in such emotionally charged times. And letting go of what you can't control is just as important.

Good Luck,
Becca

Have a great weekend, everyone! Here are a few links to inspire you as you enjoy the lovely spring weather.

A beautiful traditional Japanese wedding in Tokyo.

Love the incredible BHLDN gown at this New Hampshire wedding.

Doing your own makeup? Here's the secret to perfect eyeshadow blending.

And for hair ideas: eight lovely headbands to dress up your 'do.

For those of you with spring weddings: a roundup of beautiful pastel design and decor ideas.

Hey ladies, this post is directed to you (sorry grooms)! If you're getting married on a farm, in a garden, or under a tent, ignore the debbie downers and don't be afraid to rock out in your favorite heels! Don't let a little dirt scare away your height love. I say make it work, and get your jeweled beauties messy in the mud - it is your wedding, after all! Go all out for the best possible memories. Your big night is not the time to be on guard against sullied footwear!

Dear Becca and Casey,

Confused about Cocktails

Dear Confused,

My answer may be surprising from the photographer's perspective, but I am not a fan of extended cocktail hours. It is generally accepted that cocktail hours should be just that - an hour - and can occasionally extend to an hour and a half. Any longer than that, and guests will begin to be hungry and bored. Other important considerations for cocktail hour: there should be drinks for all of the guests, including guests who prefer nonalchoholic beverages. There should be enough snacks to go around - it's never a good idea to serve drinks for hours to guests with empty stomachs! It's also a good idea to include some kind of activity. If you're having an outdoor wedding it can be a great time for lawn games.

Any photographer worth their fee should be able to get all of the family photos done in the time allotted. I am always careful to take as many photos as possible before the ceremony, and to have everyone ready to go so that the family groups can be formed as quickly as possible. Another important consideration is to take the photos somewhere close to the reception venue - driving everyone around to different locations for photos eats up tons of time!

Talk to your photographer and see what they think. There are always ways to fit the photos into the timeline, and it's really important to take your guests comfort into consideration!

Best of luck,
Casey

Unless you are Kate Middleton, who famously did her own makeup on her wedding day, or have some major makeup skills and experience, I have to say this one is a DON'T. It's easy enough to do your own makeup, but are you confident that you can make it last through twelve hours of smiling, kissing, sweating, photo-taking, crying, dancing, and bouquet-tossing? A professional makeup artist can do your makeup in a way that makes it much more long-lasting. After my wedding, I couldn't believe that my makeup had stayed on all day!

Another thing to consider is that a professional makeup artist knows how to apply makeup in a way that will be flattering for photos. They may use a special kind of makeup that won't reflect light, so that you won't look like a ghost in any photos that are taken with a flash. I often work with the makeup artist during the getting-ready photos to take some practice shots and check how the makeup is turning out in photos.

This is just one of those things that I think is best left to the pros!

Dear Becca and Casey,

Defending my daughter

Dear DD,

You're not exactly out of line, but you may need a perspective correction. While I can understand where you're coming from, at the end of day the bride and groom have decided to invite children for the ceremony only and it's their call to make. I'm sure they have their reasons and that the decision was not easy. As you are a member of the family, I say take the high road, swallow the inconvenience. and accept your daughter's participation as a gesture of inclusion and love. Your sole purpose as guest is to celebrate the couple as best you can, while you can. I know when I was growing up it was adventure enough to have a night in a dress, even with a babysitter!

Best of luck,
Becca

Have nothing to do this weekend? Here are a few options to get you out and about this beautiful weekend.

1. Why not add a little panache (aka swoon-worthy calligraphy) to your sweet teas and lemonades this season. Learn how HERE.

2. While your drinking, why don't you try THIS good looking cocktail?

3. Want to get the most out of this gorgeous weather? Try planting some annuals? HERE are some quick tips.

4. Need a little shopping pick-me-up with out spending mega bucks? Go check out the new flick about the famed Bergdorfs.

Happy Weekend lovelies!

Last week Casey and I had the pleasure of oo'ing and ahh'ing over the details and thoughtfulness that go into everything mStarr Event Styling + Design touches. As Emily defined what styling weddings really means to her, we began to grasp the reach of her incredible service. If you’re a bride who loves great accents (like we do), whether you need a little guidance or soup-to-nuts support, Em’s your gal. Check her website out here.

BI: How did you get your start?

MS: Frankly, I got married...isn’t that the only way? I’ve always had a creative outlet, and helping friends plan parties, showers, etc was just second nature to me.

BI: So what took you from bride to the full time plunge into the industry?

MS: I really became my own planner throughout my wedding. I found that when I got back from my honeymoon, and after the holidays, I was still browsing Style Me Pretty and connecting with the vendors I had cultivated relationships with. I just couldn’t shake it. So, I started a website, and the rest is history.

BI: What inspires you?

MS: What doesn’t inspire me?

BI: Touché Ms. Starr. Okay here’s a fun one, what three colors are your IT colors right now?

MS: teal, gold, mint.

BI: And just for good measure, if we bump into you in a coffee shop what will you always have by your side?

MS: My laptop with Illustrator, Photoshop, Evernote, and Bloglovin’ set up. And for my non-technological accompaniments I’ll have my Rifle notebook, a paper cutter and ribbon.

BI: Can you explain a little more about what styling entails?

MS: Styling to me is multifaceted---the design of a wedding takes shape when all of the details cohere and become more than the sum of their parts. It’s my job as a stylist to oversee those details.

BI: What is your favorite part of styling a wedding or event?

MS: I love the combination of personal and pretty. When I first meet a potential client I try to get their full story, how they met, how they fell in love, and with each memory I try to incorporate of little of them into each detail. I will always go the extra mile!

Images by Casey of Hello Love Photography and Instagram Pics by Em Herself...isn't she a Starr?

If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one dessert every day, what would it be? If the answer is not cake (and for most people, it's not), then skipping the wedding cake is a DO! I appreciate the tradition of a wedding cake, but there's no need to serve a dessert at your wedding that you don't actually love. There are so many options: pies! cupcakes! candy! macarons! Don't deny your guests a little something sweet, but do feel free to choose something that you love to eat!

At our wedding, we hired a gelato cart to come serve gelato to our guests. As ice cream lovers, we felt like it was the perfect finishing touch to our dinner. So, what's your favorite sweet? Are you considering a non-traditional dessert at your wedding?

It's been a rough week for our beloved city. It's been amazing to see how Boston has pulled together to help those in need, and I have no doubt that we will continue to do so. Let's all cross our fingers that Boston will be back to normal in the very near future, and keep those affected by the recent events in our hearts. Stay safe this weekend, Boston friends.

This past weekend my husband and I were in Vermont with friends for a site visit. Being that this particular wedding is to celebrate said friends, we got to tag along for a whole weekend of fun activities. Over our dinner Saturday night the bride-to-be posed an interesting question that sparked some good discourse. How to cordially ask guests to not post pictures on Facebook or Instagram during the wedding or even the week after? In this day and age, is it possible to limit the intimacy of a wedding to just the close family and friends who are present? A way to not invite our myriad other, digital "friends" into the sacred occasion?

It's a sensitive subject. But take solace in the fact that you are grappling with this issue alongside every other modern bride. If presented in the correct, respectful way, I think it's fine to be direct with your guests. This can be accomplished as they arrive with a sign, or maybe a note in the program simply stating something like, " We are here today to celebrate our union with our closest friends and family and would like to ask you to preserve and celebrate this moment without the use of social media."

I've wavered in thinking if this is a good idea or not, mostly because it feels a little funny to even mention these services at your wedding, but the truth is social media is a part of our lives now. Furthermore, because we are the first generation to use it, the nuances of social media etiquette aren't well defined or understood at this point. Thus, in order to achieve an intimate day without modern intrusions, you may have to be prepared with a little old-fashioned bluntness.

Hello Ladies!

Thanks!
Plus-One Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

This is a great question - the "and guest" debate can get pretty heated! The standard etiquette is that spouses, fiances, and live-in partners should be invited to attend the wedding. From there, it is up to the discretion of the bride and groom. Long-term boyfriends or girlfriends are up to you, but it's usually a good idea to make one rule and stick with it to keep things fair.

Since it is your wedding (and your budget), you are definitely not being unfair by mentioning it to them. It's possible that they just didn't look closely at the invitation and didn't realize that they weren't asked to bring a date. Anna Post says in the famous Emily Post guidelines, "It's not okay for guests to ask you to make exceptions, so it won't be rude in the least to stand by your guest list." Of course you can do this as politely as possible, simply by letting them know that you wish you could accommodate their date, but your budget simply won't allow for it. As friends of yours, they should understand!

Best of luck!
Casey

P.S. It's not an official rule, but I always think it's kind to make an exception for someone who won't know anyone else at the wedding. Receptions can be lonely without a dance partner! :)

While receiving lines can be a bit long and tedious, I have to say that they are still a major DO. You may want to spend the time taking photos or doing something else, but it's important to remember that you are the host of your wedding and it is your responsibility to greet each guest and thank them for coming to celebrate with you. Guests may not remember the place card display or your first dance song, but they will remember the time they got to spend chatting with you on your big day. Some guests may have traveled from far away to attend the wedding, and it can be a disappointment to not have any time to speak with the bride and groom they came to see.

While you don't have to do a traditional receiving line after the ceremony, it can be the most efficient way to be sure to greet everyone. Some brides and grooms choose to do their rounds later in the night, but that can often lead to the happy couple missing their dinner. However you choose to do it, be sure to make room in your wedding day schedule to greet your lovely guests and thank them for showing their support!

Dear Becca and Casey,

I'm one of last of my friends to take the plunge, and it seems there are SO many more outlets now for inspiration even than just 3 years ago. Between my daily check-ins to SMP, Once Wed and Pinterest, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with details and projects. Do you know if this is something I can hire a planner to take care of?

Thanks, Detailed in Boston

Oh, not to fret Ms. Detailed in Boston,

As a recent bride myself, and being in the industry, I can remember clearly just how overwhelming the planning process can be. Do we have the right container for the iced lemonade with a cute enough saying on the label? Are the cocktail straws the right shade of grey to compliment the napkins? These little things can keep your head spinning in a details abyss if you're not careful!

Don't get me wrong, I love the unbelievable creativity that pours through my Pinterest feed every hour, but it's also super easy to lose track of what the wedding is all about in the first place.

If details get you in a tizzy, then I highly recommend two steps: 1. You do hire a planner to help you organize your details---there are plenty of planners and wedding stylists/designers in the area that specialize in organizing all the odds and ends. And 2. Start the tradition of iPhone and wedding-talk free date nights; full of romance and your daily sharing of stress free moments with your love. I truly believe that getting intimate about the details of you two while ditching the wedding for a night is key to remaining sane throughout the planning process. After all, it may be hard to see in the planning stages, but the marriage only begins once the wedding's over.

Best of Luck,
Becca

I don't know about you all, but I am DONE with cold weather. It seems to me that we may finally be out of the woods! It should be a perfect weekend to be outside - do you have wedding errands to run? Venues to visit, tents to choose, cakes to taste?

Hope you get to spend time outside this weekend! We'll be back next week with lots more wedding fun, including another interview with a great local vendor.

Until then, here is some spring inspiration. This is a photo I took of the magnolia trees along Commonwealth Avenue last year. Becca says they should be blooming again really soon - woo hoo!

What?! Were you thinking of clutching each other close for "Lady In Red"? I say do do do! Pick a song that's special to you as a couple but also that has a little spark to it. You don't need to show off for any of your guests, or feel pressure to pick a "hot" song, just be totally true to the nature of the two of you for your first dance. One of my favorites was my friend Lindsay and her husband Luke, last year when they danced to a Jack Johnson and Paula Fuga song, "Country Road". They swayed to every end of the dance floor, she jumped into his arms, they took "the dip" to a whole new level, and it was just SO them! Every guest was ready for a celebration after that! So, whether your song is NKOTB, CCR, or Marky Mark, seize the moment and set the tone for the party to follow!

photo by Stacey Hedman Photogrpahy

Dear Becca and Casey,

Cheers,
Engaged and Confused

Dear Engaged and Confused,

I get this question from pretty much every single one of my couples! Engagement photos are totally optional (at least with my packages they are - but some photographers include them with every package). Some couples want photos to use for their save-the-dates or for their wedding website, and some couples just want to have some nice photos of themselves dressed in non-wedding attire. All of those are great reasons to have engagement photos taken!

Personally, I think the best reason to take engagement photos is to get comfortable with having your photo taken. For most people, their wedding is the first time that they are being professionally photographed. Some people don't realize that it can be a little uncomfortable! Even I, as a photographer, can forget how strange it feels to look into a camera and smile. Engagement photos are a great, low-pressure way to get used to the idea of being posed and having your photo taken. It's a great chance to get more comfortable with your photographer as well, and to get to know the way they work and shoot. It can make all the difference on the wedding day!

Another thing to consider is that engagement photos can be a good opportunity to capture a place that is special to you two that you might not be able to access on the wedding day. I've done engagement shoots on boats, in parks, in coffee shops, and lots of other places that might not be easily accessible to a bride in a big white dress. You can also use engagement photos to capture a season you love (maybe you're getting married in July but you love fall in New England)!

Best of luck, and congratulations!

Casey

photo via
Dear Becca and Casey,

I'm writing in as the maid of honor to a bride. I live here in Boston, and she is all the way in St. Louis. I am having a hard time taking on the shower alone, however I fear that it is too burdensome to ask the other maids who live in St Louis to take over the planning. Am I thinking too much?

Thanks, Cross Country MOH

Dear Cross Country MOH,

When it comes to shower planning you should 100% ask for help. If I were to put myself in the position of the other maids as a local to a bride, I would happily step up to the plate to help host. According to Emily Post online, "Must the bridesmaids host a shower?
Contrary to popular belief, the maid/matron of honor and the bridesmaids are not required to host a shower as part of their official responsibilities, though they certainly can if they want to.​" So there, you heard it straight from the horses mouth, you're not even required to host, although it is a nice gesture to help in the process. Perhaps you can work on some of the decorating ideas and invitations from afar.

​I hope you feel at ease asking for help, because by all means, you should!