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Dear Becca and Casey...Unconventional at the Altar

Posted by Becca Olcott  January 14, 2013 01:00 PM

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UnconventionalAtTheAltar_HelloLovePhotography.jpgDear Becca and Casey,

After many long and sometimes tough chats, my fiance and I decided we would not include any attendants in our ceremony. We felt strongly about having it be just the two of us standing alone as we make our vows together.

This made perfect sense in the romantic moment but maybe I didn't think it through. Now I'm terrified my best friend growing up will be deeply hurt when I tell her the news. We used to dream about being in each other's weddings.

I can't avoid talking to her much longer, and I'm having crazy difficulty finding the right words to say. What do I do? Am I going too far outside convention here? Should I make an exception and just include her?

Feeling a bit paralyzed, Unconventional at the Altar.

Dear Unconventional at the Altar,

In this day and age you are in good company. Many more brides and grooms are choosing to do away with the old tradition of attendants. On the ceremony day, I have seen a wide spectrum of how modern couples choose their bridal party, from weddings with 10 attendants on either side, to one party having a smaller representation than another side, to siblings only, to no one at all.

As hard as "the talk" may be for you to have with your friend, try to remember that this wedding is about you and your fiancee. This is one of your first decisions you will make as a family. Don't sacrifice what's important by caving to potentially hurt feelings. You can actually use the moment as an opportunity to celebrate your friendship.

Here's a start: invite her over for a wedding planning session and cocktails. When it's time, be transparent about the difficulty you had in making this call. Raise a glass of bubbly to her friendship and its importance in your life. Insist with her that her closeness will be crucial in this scary/exciting next chapter. A good friend will honor your sincerity. After all, she can still be an honorary bridesmaid who gets to pick her own fabulous dress and shoes!

xo, Becca

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About the Authors

Becca Olcott has a thing for old love letters and good old-fashioned romance. Bringing daily wedding updates and advice is second nature to Becca. She spends her days working with the brides of New England designing tablescapes full of lush florals and antique gems through her business Petal Floral Design.
Casey Harrison is a wedding and portrait photographer in the lovely city of Boston. She spends her days scouting the countryside for beautiful locations for shoots and taking photos of couples in love through her business Hello Love Photography.

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