Bedtime Stories
'Bedtime Stories" is baloney on Wonder Bread with a Kraft Single and some Miracle Whip - barely lunchable. But many hungry kids (and a few adults) will bite. At some point, with the music swelling or about to swell, a school principal, played by Courteney Cox, complains to her brother, "I'm mad that you told my kids there are no happy endings!" Lady, you left your son and daughter with Adam Sandler, whose fault is that?
Sandler, of course, comports himself predictably - like the infantile uncle a grown man named Skeeter ought to be. When soon-to-be-jobless Principal Cox goes off to look for new work, a co-worker (Keri Russell) and Skeeter perform tag-team babysitting chores for the kids (Jonathan Morgan Heit and Laura Ann Kesling). Cox is playing one of those Organic Moms - gluten-free everything, no sugar, no TV, no fun. That explains her relative absence from this oversweetened movie. All the high-fructose corn syrup would kill her.
The kids like stories before bed, so Skeeter makes up his own tale, which puts his real-life troubles into various fantasies that he suspects are starting to come true. Skeeter works as a handyman in a Los Angeles hotel his late father (Jonathan Pryce) sold years before to a British mogul (Richard Griffiths), who never made good on his promise to give Skeeter an executive role.
The gist of the movie and Skeeter's stories is that he's overdue for respect. He competes with a prissy, unembarrassable Guy Pearce for a promotion, while the movie slaps together a bunch of fantasy set pieces (Wild West, ancient Rome, outer space) and a possible love story between Sandler and Russell. For no reason, the British comedian Russell Brand is tossed on, as is Lucy Lawless, who, as Pearce's henchwoman, is almost funny.
But everything is badly executed (the director is the quality-averse Adam Shankman), especially a last-minute attempt to rescue an elementary school moments away from demolition. When the kids take over storytelling duties, the inconsistency and randomness of their tales suggest they might have written the rest of Matt Lopez and Tim Herlihy's screenplay, too.
The appeal of "Bedtime Stories" belongs entirely to Sandler. As a comedian, he doesn't have to stoop to a kid's level. He's usually already there. Here he fights a giant "booger monster." He says "wedgie" and "manure." He talks with his mouth full of food, and after a bee stings his tongue, he babbles. And he appears to mean every minute of it. If small children respond to him at all, it's because for 95 minutes he's speaking their language.
Wesley Morris can be reached at wmorris@globe.com. For more on movies, go to www.boston.com /ae/movienation.
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