Saw III
The Daytime Emmys aren't until next spring, but for the voters' consideration, I'd like to submit the stars of "Saw III." Yes, I know: the Emmys are for television, but whom are we kidding? Television is a state of mind. And the makers of "Saw III" have delivered the most despicable episode of "One Life to Live" ever. Amid the nasty dilemmas (Hmmm? To dive into a vat of pig guts to save the drowning judge who sentenced the driver who killed my son or not?) are shouting matches and cry-athons at the deathbed of an extremely talkative person.
The Chatty Cathy is none other than John "Jigsaw" Kramer, the most moralizing serial killer in the history of horror. He's still dying of a brain tumor, and he's still not thrilled about it. But as in the first two movies, he's using his impending demise to make miserable people wish they had stopped and smelled the roses.
For the occasion, he's devised a new plot. A depressed surgeon (Bahar Soomekh) and a depressed dad (Angus Macfayden), the very one considering that dip in pig guts, are brought to Jigsaw's slaughterhouse. The doctor has to keep Jigsaw alive or her head will explode. Of course, if the dad gets his revenge on his son's killer (who's also been snared by Jigsaw), she's free to go.
The guy who wrote the first two installments and the one who directed "Saw II" are responsible for "Saw III." And what's remarkable about these movies is how much the craftsmanship degrades with each episode. This is a long, scrambled, indifferently made affair. There's no rhythm to the sequencing.
Naturally, the movie is gross enough for Joe Rogan to be its host. But it's melodramatic and predictable enough to be mistaken for an Agnes Nixon production. That poor surgeon finds herself locked in a jealous triangle with Jigsaw and his nutty assistant, Amanda, whom Shawnee Smith plays like she can smell that Emmy (the tears, the rage, the exposition!). And Tobin Bell reprises his career-making role as Jigsaw. He bring a glint of wisdom to a part that, here, requires him to lie on his side while a co-star removes a chunk of his skull. Don't worry, he's got a local anesthetic. You, you'll have to bring your own.
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