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Manners
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Then and now: the increasingly relaxed rules of social interaction
How times have changed. To get a
sense of how the rules of etiquette
have evolved, we compared the advice
given in some recent books to
that classic guide from 1882, ''Our
Deportment'' by John H. Young.
INTRODUCTIONS
1882: A gentleman should not be introduced
to a lady unless her permission
has been previously obtained. In
introducing, you bow to the lady and
say, ''Miss C., allow me to introduce
to you Mr. D. Mr. D., Miss C.'' It is the
duty of Mr. D., upon bowing, to say, ''It
gives me great pleasure to form our
acquaintance.''
2003: Do not waste breath on fruitless,
large-scale introductions that invariably
lead to a slew of missed
names. Rather introduce guests to
key players and let them make at
large acquaintances on their own.
(''The Modern Gentleman'' by Phineas
Mollod and Jason Tesauro)
HANDSHAKE
1882: A man has no right to take a
lady's hand until it is offered. He has
even less right to pinch or retain it. A
young lady gives her hand, but does
not shake a gentleman's hand unless
she is his friend.
2003: The art of shaking hands appears
to have some serious competition
with the high five, locking thumbs and other greetings that seem more
appropriate for the baseball dugout.
(''21st Century Etiquette'' by Charlotte
Ford)
GREETINGS
1882: The custom which has become
quite prevalent of women kissing
each other whenever they meet in
public is regarded as vulgar, and by ladies
of delicacy and refinement is entirely
avoided.
2003: When answering the phone,
Hipsters say ''Waddup,'' ''Hola'' or
''Yo.'' Answering the phone saying,
''Michaelson residence, Todd is
speaking'' is ishtar. (''The Hipster's
Handbook'' by Robert Lanham)
DANCING
1882: A man who wishes to be considered
a thoroughly-bred gentleman
will sacrifice himself occasionally to
those ladies who are unsought and
neglected in the dance.
2003: Speak in the primal words of
hips, dips, breathe and writhe. When the room is synchronized in a deejay's
vortex of bass and shake, let out a
scream and wave your arms. (''The
Modern Gentleman'')
TABLE MANNERS
1882: A soup plate should never be
tilted for the last spoonful.
2003: Yes, you may tip your bowl to
spoon up that last bit of soup. . . . At a
formal dinner, tip the bowl away from
you and fill your spoon with a motion
that moves your spoon away from
your body. (''Essential Manners for
Men'' by Peter Post)
PLAYING CARDS
1882: Betting at cards is vulgar, partakes
of the nature of gambling and
should at all times be avoided. Never
finger the cards while they are being
dealt, nor take up any of them until all
are dealt out.
2003: Strip poker is for a sexy, well-mixed
four (or more) some and not a
Tuesday night with beer buddies. Strip poker is perhaps the only game
in which a gentleman may cheat.
(''The Modern Gentleman'')
PROFANITY AND VULGARITY
1882: A low and paltry habit, acquired
from association with low and paltry
spirits who possess no sense of honor,
no regard for decency and no reverence
or respect for beings of a higher
moral or religious nature . . . No lady
should make use of any feminine substitute
for profanity. The woman who
exclaims ''The Dickens!'' or ''Mercy!''
or ''Goodness!'' when she is annoyed
or astonished is vulgar in spirit.
2003: Use profanity judiciously. Mix
and match the filthy classics to create
a string of fresh phrases that highlight
your keen wit. To convey profanity
over a distance, build a database of
vulgar gestures. Unfurl the Finger in
both its clenched East Coast grip and
the languid West Coast up-yours flip.
(''The Modern Gentleman'')
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