Grappling with paying for college tuition costs

The Melchiorris of Natick thought the SAT was the toughest part of getting into college until the family had to deal with FAFSAs, Pell grants, and subsidized loans.

They agree they knew nothing when they started.

"The financial aid is a whole other animal," said Pam Melchiorri, mother of 18-year-old Amanda. "It's such a racket."

The most common payment plan -- going into debt -- is a painful and personal decision that the Melchiorris are grappling with now.

Amanda is the oldest child of two -- her sister, Samantha, 14, is a high school freshman. Their mother, Pam, 45, graduated from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. Their father, Stephen, 46, switched majors in his final year at Northeastern University and never finished. Pam is an accounts payable manager at Monster in Maynard. Stephen owns a painting and wallpapering business. They earn between $70,000 and $100,000 a year, and have invested their monely solely in their South Natick house -- a two-story colonial that Stephen built on a filled-in ravine.

In her junior year of high school, Amanda had a vague notion that she would like to work in the sciences. She loves chemistry and is interested in physics, but struggles on tests. Her math grades, by her admission, are just OK.

Her only other requirement was that her selected college be closer than a three-hour drive from her parents. Pam and Amanda e-mailed for brochures, attended college fairs, and visited campuses -- and were overwhelmed.

A co-worker suggested that Pam seek advice from Steve Pemberton, who was leaving Monster.com to start Road to College, a college consulting service in Maynard. Pemberton had been a Boston College senior admissions officer as well as a Monster.com vice president. He considered Amanda's criteria and the family's income and recommended a list of colleges.

Amanda has a 3.4 grade point average, ranks in the top third of her class, and excels in many activities. She plays softball, captains her swim team, and teaches swimming. The Melchiorris weren't too worried about college acceptances or financial issues until Amanda received her SAT scores. Amanda received a 1010 out of a possible 1600, above average but not stellar. The parents told Pemberton they feared that Amanda would not get into any college. They didn't realize it then, but the bigger problem was financial. The SAT score was low enough to eliminate Amanda from winning merit scholarships at some schools.

Pemberton told them not to worry, that colleges consider more than test scores.

Amanda applied to eight schools, and her mother organized each application into a manilla folder and grouped them on the family's dining room table in terms of safeties, definites, and maybes. Cost wasn't a variable. The parents said at that point they weren't thinking of money, just getting their daughter into a school.

The family had some early shocks.

Amanda applied for early action to the University of Hartford and heard within weeks. She phoned Pemberton as he was walking into a church before his brother's wedding.

"You got in?" he said into his cellphone. "Yeah!" she cheered.

The offer floored the family: $18,000 in merit scholarships, work study, and subsidized loans. They hoped the generous package would be a sign that their luck would hold, but it would be the most generous package she would receive.

Sacred Heart University in Fairfield, Conn., however, had been Amanda's top choice. She loved the ritzy dorms and her mother liked the students' seemingly squeaky-clean quality. But when the envelope arrived saying yes, it contained an offer of $2,600 in subsidized loans for a school that costs about $31,000 annually. Amanda was disappointed, but then became more interested in other schools. The Melchiorris realized that fulfilling their child's dream could be a very expensive proposition.

"No matter where she goes, we're going to have to pay for this," Pam said.

Amanda became enamored with the idea of going to Northeastern and winning a co-op job at Children's Hospital. Northeastern -- where one year's tuition costs $40,000 -- is where her boyfriend of four years was accepted.

One night last November, Pam and Stephen sat their daughter down and explained the family finances. This is what Mom makes and this is what Dad makes.

"It's the most expensive school," Pam said. "We can't afford to send you."

Amanda got mad. She had been confident she could go anywhere she wanted.

Amanda tried to bargain. I could get financial aid, she told her parents. You could commute, her father said. Amanda refused: "I'd miss out on dorm life."

The dispute over Northeastern's cost was moot in the end. The school did not accept Amanda.

In January, Pam logged on to the family computer and filled in all the little boxes on the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. Her income. Stephen's income. Their house. Their bank account. The savings account that Pam's mother had started for the girls' education. The federal government calculated that the family's expected contribution to Amanda's education -- the amount the family has to kick in -- would be $14,000. The parents were dumbfounded. They have little debt, but few assets, either.

On the federal form, the family, in its view, came out looking wealthier than it really is. Pemberton recommended two college financial aid advisers who told Pam that the Melchiorris should have shifted the money from Amanda's bank accounts into their names a year or so earlier. Parental assets are assessed at half the student rate. Everyone suggested that the family borrow against their home. But the family's life is in their house. If they took money out on the house, they didn't think they could meet the $2,000 monthly mortgage and tax bill.

"We're at an age that we've got to think about funding our retirement," Pam said. "That's just as important as sending our kids to college."

"What can they do?" Pemberton asked one adviser privately. "Not a lot," was the reply.

Merrimack College, an Augustinian college in North Andover, had accepted Amanda in December, and came back in February with a hefty offer: $11,125 toward its $31,600 yearly bill. A month later, the University of Massachusetts at Amherst accepted Amanda, but offered only $2,600 in loans for a school that costs $14,730 a year.

Amanda had been favoring Merrimack, but in April, UMass -- never tops on her list -- seemed more appealing. "What if I decide I don't want to be a nurse?" she said. "With Merrimack I get nervous. It's so small. I don't want it to be like high school." A bigger school like UMass would offer more options and cost less.

"I'm not sending out two deposits!" her father said. "She's burning big holes in our pocket."

Pam resigned herself to more borrowing, taking out a home equity line of credit, and converting their 15-year mortgage to one they would pay off in 30 years. The family will take out college loans in Amanda's name. Amanda is saving money for college by babysitting and teaching swimming at the Longfellow Club in Natick. Stephen is considering painting and wallpapering seven days a week. If they're short on cash one month, Pam said, they will dip into their savings.

Last week, Amanda made her choice: Merrimack. Pam says she will call to make an appointment with the college's financial aid officer to ask what the family might do to minimize the financial hit and how they can best prepare for their youngest daughter. Samantha starts college in three years, and then the cycle begins again.

Suzanne Sataline can be reached at sataline@globe.com.