Etiquette 101 is on college menu

HAVERHILL -- Soup, no slurping. Salad, to be cut properly with a knife and fork. Ziti with meatballs and a very splashable marinara sauce. Cake and coffee. Three forks, two spoons, two knives, three glasses . . .

''I'm having trouble with this 'tines down' thing," admitted John Berrini of Newton, N.H., eyeing the cucumber slice that he was about to swallow.

Today's students may travel and face the complex demands of starting a career, but they don't always know which fork to use at a formal dinner or the right way to finesse an important introduction. On Tuesday night at Northern Essex Community College's Haverhill campus, 10 student leaders sat down to a meal that came with heaping helpings of etiquette instruction.

Success in work and life can turn on social skills, according to Rosemarie Dittmer, assistant dean of NECC's career development center, and Nita Lamborghini, assistant dean of college life. They organized Tuesday's seminar, ''Entering, Exiting and Everything in Between," to prepare students to behave confidently, professionally and correctly at events such as business dinners and parties. They hope to offer a similar menu to all students next year.

''These are aspects of cultural capital that really give students an edge when they leave the college," Lamborghini said. ''The better those skills are, the better they present themselves, the more comfortable they're going to be . . . always able to put their best foot forward."

The evening began with a classroom discussion of the subtle protocols of meeting and greeting, then moved to a dining room where college chefs served a meal intended to challenge the formally dressed students' table manners.

They were even asked to get up and introduce themselves to the group, as if at a business dinner.

''I think today's students are maybe lacking some of that. They didn't come from a strict background, where their parents were like, 'This is the way this happens, and this is proper etiquette,' " Berrini said.

''I don't know a whole lot of people who do the holding-the-door thing," he said, or know ''how to put a jacket on properly. It's impressive to a potential employer when you go for a job interview and they see you know what's going on and how you're supposed to act."

The array of silverware was the most daunting for the students, who said they were glad to learn the proper use for each piece. Then ''you don't feel awkward doing it," said Isaura Araujo of Lawrence. ''If you go in knowing, you feel more confident."

Is the need for a seminar like this a sign of less civil times?

''If you're asking me, were some of these skills taught generations ago? Perhaps," Lamborghini said, ''because the makeup of the family was a little bit different, people sat and had dinner together, people attended more church events, and there may have been more opportunity for young people within the family and within various community organizations to develop some of these skills."

But the need also reflects the backgrounds of the students who attend community college, she said.

''We want to make sure all our community college students have the best possible education, and make sure the education they get here is as enriching as any they would get at a four-year college," Lamborghini said.

''Doing this kind of workshop helps us make sure that they get some of these things that students from other backgrounds may have learned along the way," she said.

''Our students tend to be from lower socioeconomic levels, we get older students, just a huge variety of students from all walks of life. We want to make sure that if somewhere along the way they didn't get this stuff, then we're providing it for them."

Rebecca Paul, from the Bradford section of Haverhill, said Tuesday's class opened her eyes to some customs and rules she did not pick up at home.

''I don't think my mom or grandmother necessarily did formal dinners," Paul said.

''It's not something I learned and it's not something they teach in school, either. So you have to have something like this to learn it."