Parke Muth, an admissions dean at the University of Virginia, explains why some application essays fail and others succeed, and provides examples.
On bad essays: Detail is what differentiates one essay from another, one applicant from another. Instead of detail, however, students try to impress with big words. In trying to make a topic sound intellectual, students resort to the thesaurus and, as a result, end up sounding pretentious or at least insecure about using their own voice.
Excerpt of one that overreaches: From an early age, we accept death as the inevitable, but do not comprehend its actual denotation. Death is the impending future that all people must eventually grasp. In my early teens, my grandfather tragically perished. As a youth who did not identify with such a cataclysm I was saturated with various emotions. Initially, I was grieved by the loss of a loved one and could not understand why this calamity had to befall upon my family. I always considered death to have a devastating effect, but was shocked by the emotional strain it places upon an individual.
On good essays: An essay is not good because of the topic but because of the voice. ... Students need only to recall the difference between two simple concepts -- showing and telling. A good essay always shows; a weak essay always tells. By showing, a writer appeals to all of the senses, not just the visual.
Excerpt of one that shines: The coughing came first, the hacking in the middle of the night. Then there were the multiple doctor visits, each one the same: the little white rooms with magazines where I tried not to stare at the bald, gaunt woman across from me. One of the white coats finally said something, steadily, forecasting an 80 percent change of rain. The list of second opinions grew too long to count, looking for someone to say the right thing. Finally, there was relief in hearing the name of a kinder killer: lymphoma.
SOURCE: University of Virginia. For the full version of Muth's advice, go to http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html
