A rite of passage, with tears and fidgeting

They have been fitted for caps and gowns. They have posed for portraits, diplomas in hand, and memorized Langston Hughes poems. By next week's graduation , they will have danced in tuxedos and ball-gowns at the prom.

Parents will capture the milestone on film, marveling that their children are about to move on -- to kindergarten.

The Smile Pre-School in Roxbury is one of a growing number of nursery schools across the nation that mark ``graduation" each June with pomp and circumstance.

But the elaborate ceremonies have set off a quiet backlash among parents, early childhood educators, and many local preschool operators. They say the events stress out 4- and 5-year-olds, and hold very little meaning for them.

Some preschools have responded by simplifying graduation ceremonies, substituting construction paper mortarboards for traditional caps and gowns. Others have scrapped the grown-up rite of passage altogether, and instead hold end-of-the-year family picnics.

``They're 5. They're not 18 going off the college," said Kasey Crist, director of Mulberry Child Care & Preschool in Brookline, which canceled graduation ceremonies with caps and gowns several years ago. ``It was just way too stressful for children."

Some states have begun to warn preschools away from gussied-up graduations. New Jersey, for example, discourages schools from requiring children to wear caps and gowns, holding ceremonies in unfamiliar places, or making students memorize new songs and long speaking parts.

``There is so much pressure on children to grow up quickly," said Jean Mendoza , a professor of early childhood education at Millikin University in Illinois. ``Kids have trouble keeping it together. It's the anticipation of something big happening that they don't really understand. So who is this really for?"

Educators at Smile and other schools say they hold formal graduations to recognize the children's achievement and emphasize the importance of education at an early age.

``It makes it a more tangible transition for them," Emma Lougheed , owner of the Pine Village Preschool in West Newton, where 13 preschoolers will wear caps and gowns when they graduate on Thursday. ``It's a bigger, funner deal and makes them feel special."

Other nursery school directors say graduation can be fun without fancy details.

At Les Petits Nursery School in Brookline, preschoolers graduated Friday in a low-key affair, despite one mother's offer to buy caps and gowns for the 18 children. Students wore whatever they wanted: a white, floor-grazing evening dress, or shorts and tank tops. They made their own graduation caps, performed half a dozen songs and dances, and hopped onto a box decorated with stickers to receive their diplomas.

Even that was too much for some children to handle. One boy rubbed his eyes the entire time and looked bored. Another refused to wear the homemade mortarboard and lifted his green T-shirt repeatedly. Others fell off the platform after receiving their diplomas.

``He's kind of traumatized by the whole idea of it because he's scared of the transition," said Eve Kruger, whose son, Mason, 4, would not participate in the rehearsals or wear the paper hat.

Debra Nickerson, the school's director, acknowledged that the diplomas probably do not mean much to the children.

``We do it for the parents," Nickerson said.

At the Spruce Street Nursery School in Boston, children received hugs instead of diplomas on ``flyaway day" -- held last week beneath a white tent on Boston Common. Instead of graduation caps, they wore wings made of wire coat hangers, tulle, and ribbon. Two 5-year-old brothers refused to run up and hug their preschool director when their classmates sang their names during a song about butterflies.

``They said they weren't going to participate because they didn't want to leave school," said Becky Lopresti, the boys' mother, with a wry grin. ``It's a protest."

The twins had sung the butterfly song at home during dinner and before going to bed, but did not sing during the ceremony. One started to cry.

Other children behaved like 4- and 5-year-olds, too. Some stuck out their tongues and tapped each other's bellies. Two children pulled on the leg of a classmate.

At the end of the ceremony, the children flocked to see the release of butterflies, which they had raised in class from caterpillars.

``It's very symbolic," said Jean-Francois Ducrest, whose daughter was graduating. ``They don't really understand it initially, but they will a couple weeks down the road, when they're on vacation."

Tracy Jan can be reached at tjan@globe.com.