ELLEN GOODMAN
Setting back women's rightsONCE MORE we approach Aug. 26, the anniversary of women's suffrage, with mixed feelings.
It's been 84 years since women won the right to vote, but the only women in the race for White House housing are ladies, as in first lady. This year, Iraqi women, under their brand new constitution, will hold 25 percent of the government seats, but American women, under their venerable old Constitution, will hold only 13.8 percent of the congressional seats. "Failure is impossible," said Susan B. Anthony. But she forgot to mention how slow success could be. With this in mind we assembled our one-woman committee to pick winners for the Equal Rites Awards. The ERAs are given annually to those who have done their most to set back the cause of equality. The envelopes please. We begin with the International Ayatollah Award. The winner this year is Dr. Qassim Al-Qasabi, the deputy minister of health for our alleged ally, Saudi Arabia. The good doctor directed Saudi hospitals to admit women in labor only if they are accompanied by a man. For this "no hubby, no hospital" policy, we send a double standard and a very hard labor. Alas, not all double standards are foreign. The Super Bowl of Sexism trophy goes to those folks at the NFL and the FCC who were shocked (!) when their halftime programming -- erectile dysfunction ads, crotch-biting dogs, half-clad cheerleaders -- was interrupted by Janet Jackson's overexposure. Umm, anybody notice that Justin Timberlake had a hand in the "wardrobe malfunction"? Ah well, Boys will be Boys and Arnold will be Schwarzenegger. The former Terminator and alleged serial groper gets the boytoy prize for his critique of the Democratic leadership in Sacramento: "I call them girlie men." We send the legislators -- male and female -- sand to kick in his face. If you think Arnold deserves his booby prize, you haven't met Republican Representative Bill Tauzin of Louisiana, who included a pet project in the energy bill that would help subsidize a Hooters restaurant in Louisiana. We send him a push-up bra nicely inscribed: Your Tax Dollars At Work. The private sector has its own boobs. So the Mixed Messenger Prize goes to the restaurant owner in West Branch, Iowa, who on one hand sponsored wet T-shirt contests. On the other hand, he refused to let a woman breast feed her baby at her table. We send him what he needs, a pacifier. Now for the Fashion Victim Award. So many body parts, so little time. From the surgical roster, we chose those women who have gone under the knife to have their feet reshaped to fit the foot fetish fantasies of designers such as Jimmy Choo. We send them each a pair of killer heels. Continued... |
