Confessions of an instant messenger

I WAS sitting at my computer, and I realized something: I spend way too much time sitting at my computer. Granted, I'm a college student, and my options on where to sit in my room are limited, but that just makes it easier to justify the time I waste every day online, mostly instant messaging. Admit it, you do it too. We all do, to different degrees. It's just one of the most commonly accepted things to do when you have a computer; ''I think, therefore IM."

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It seems fairly harmless, but it snowballs, and before you know it, you can't stop or you'll go into withdrawal. When you get to the point where you can't take a shower without putting up that witty away message that says, ''I'm all hot and steamy," you're officially addicted -- welcome to the club. You're also really sick.

One of the lamest aspects of addiction to AIM, America Online's instant messaging system, is that even if you have people on your buddy list you haven't talked to in years, you can still keep up on their day-to-day activities by checking their away messages when you're bored. Or when you're doing homework. Or when you're supposed to be in class. The funny thing is, some of them are probably doing it to you too, but it doesn't matter. Next thing you know, you're fiending for recent pictures of them, who they're dating, where they're living, and what their favorite movies are.

Enter: The facebook. If AIM is a gateway drug, The facebook is Internet crack. If you're in college, you know the deal: upload your picture, add in some interests, list every single band you've ever listened to, girls write down your favorite ''I love shopping and my best friends" quote from ''Sex and the City," and guys write down that you like ''Scarface" and ''The DaVinci Code." Then you browse through different profiles and compile a list of friends, some of which you know and some of which you've (maybe) met once but never talked to after that. You can even hunt down people from your hometown that now go to other colleges. That way you can ignore over the Internet the same people you used to ignore in high school!

If you're one of those people who like to stay up on the latest trends, like striped shirts and quoting Napoleon Dynamite, you're probably thinking, ''Idiot! Facebook is so last semester, gosh!" Well, there's a new friend-making site for you folks called Catch27, which is basically the facebook with attitude. You actually trade friends here based on how hot they are, and if you can't get hot friends on your own you can even pay money for them. ''99¢ for a Wax Pack of 3: just like real life, only cheaper," writes the site's creator, E. Jean Carroll, who is either really desperate for friends or is laughing all the way to the bank. Now, don't get me wrong here, if you want to spend money to create an online list of ''friends" you've never actually met, that's your own business. Just remember (and I quote my roommate on this one), ''FBI agents make the sexiest cyber babes."   Continued...