Big Dig? Big deal

FAR FROM being an object of anger, frustration, and humiliation, the Big Dig mess is simply another given in the noble history of our unusual region. In recent weeks, longtime Boston residents have coped with the latest round of closures and detours with characteristic aplomb. While they may well require counseling for other problems, they understand that the confusion and uncertainty associated with the Big Dig constitute business as usual.

To remain in this area, residents learn to take roadway anomalies in stride. Cow paths, rotaries, and nonexistent street signs, after all, provide the basic infrastructure of the Boston driving experience.

In Newton, for example, one typical mile sees Centre Street become Winchester Street, Needham Street and Highland Avenue. In Danvers, a four-way intersection boasts four names: High Street becomes River Street, Water Street becomes Liberty Street. Route 128 can be variously identified as 93 North or South, 95 North or South. It's commonplace for street names to change without notice. Experienced local drivers here do not expect such things to make sense.

Where else do passing lanes suddenly, with no warning, turn into left-turn-only lanes? Where else are state and local police cruisers required to accompany every small road project, thereby creating minor traffic jams? Where else do drivers have so much trouble merging? (For that matter, where else are there so many towns like Scituate, Haverhill, Woburn, Reading, and Peabody, whose spellings do not reflect their pronunciations?)

Imagine giving directions to a visitor from outside eastern Massachusetts who's interested in driving the half-mile from the fading Filene's to Copley Place. A challenge even for the mayor. How about getting from Somerville to Watertown? Harvard Square to Boston College? Bunker Hill to the Kennedy Library? Surely you jest. In our town, even MapQuest has thrown in the towel, apparently content to continue deluding unsuspecting transients into a false sense of security.

Want to park? Check out the signs: No Parking between signs. Which signs? There are three sets, located on different posts. Looking for Quincy Market? Sorry, only Faneuil Hall Marketplace is here. Want to find Newbury Street? You may be on it already; if only there were an identifying street sign.

Then, of course, there's the legendary example of the large electronic sign that, for several weeks, directed unsuspecting visitors exiting the westbound Mass. Turnpike in Newton to the Watertown Square ``airport detour." No kidding. Somebody actually had to program, maintain, and pay for the thing. It would have been useful had an invading force of 21st-century Redcoats ventured toward Metro West.

Recall too that most of the rest of the nation is constructed of parallels and perpendiculars. In Los Angeles, you can follow some well-marked boulevards practically to infinity. Even New York City, above Houston Street, is built on a grid. Not so the Hub, but what else is new?

No, drivers who routinely navigate this area are accustomed to inconvenience: blizzards, flash floods, Big Digs, locusts. Impediments, detours, and political boondoggles are among our region's defining characteristics, along with intellectual stimulation, marathons, and higher education.

If you've lived here awhile, you're just used to it. It's visiting drivers from more orderly environs who would probably benefit most from the Xanax.

David Frances is president of EAP Systems and a principal of Executive Development Group.