It's over -- didn't you get the e-mail?
THE ONCE-STIGMATIZED world of online personals has long since gone mainstream, with every Tom, Dick, and Enid looking for love at websites ranging from the mass-market to the super-specialized (MilitarySingles.com or SportsRomance.com, anyone?). But this Valentine's Day, a small vanguard is tapping into what may be the next big virtual industry: the assisted online breakup.
Breakupservice.com, founded in 2002, offers a range of options for heartbreakers who have $50 but not, as cofounder and president Ren Thompson puts it, "the nerve, or the know-how," to write their own good-byes. According to Thompson, between 1,200 and 1,500 men and women annually turn to the Dublin, Calif.-based company for a custom-tailored "Dear John" or "Dear Jane" letter with that special admixture of grace, verve, tact, and distance.
For the less old-fashioned, Thompson or one of his six breakup representatives also break the news by means of a "Happy Ending counseling call" lasting roughly 15 minutes on average. The conversation doesn't always begin on a happy note. The most common reactions, Thompson says, are "Is this some kind of joke?" or "Are you recording this?" But once people get over the skepticism, Thompson says, it's a learning experience. "They have an inkling there's a problem. Now they have some real closure with real answers. We try to help them look at it as a new beginning."
Starting afresh is also behind the philosophy at LadyLoveWriter.com and its male-oriented counterpart LoveWriter.com. For $89, New Jersey-based scribe Erica Klein (who works by day as a direct-mail copywriter) will conduct a telephone consultation and compose "The Gentle Breakup Letter," which she e-mails to the client to write out in his or her own handwriting. Would-be heartbreakers answer eight key informational questions on the order form and then choose from three "emotional styles": "Light and Casual," "Straightforward But From the Heart," or "Super-Romantic" (though Klein can't recall any client opting for the latter).
"We're good at the caring and compassion," says Klein, who estimates she writes 100 letters a year. "Especially if the person is living with you or married to you, it really takes some finesse to get yourself out of the situation." She adds that breaking up "may be honorable to do in person but anything can happen -- it's a loose-cannon situation."
Letters are just the start. Ren Thompson is hoping to get hitched to a national online dating service like Match.com so that the confrontation-shy nationwide will be able to avail themselves, for a cool $40 to $400 an hour, of such advanced services as furniture or pet retrieval. (One of his reps once picked up and boarded an iguana caught behind enemy lines in a domestic cold war.) Thompson reckons his company performs 300 such interventions a year.
"Often clients will want us to meet somebody in a place that's meaningful in some way, like their favorite romantic restaurant," Thompson explains. And a gift package might make the whole thing go down easier, with the mediator saying something like, "She wants you to have this as a peace offering."
But not everyone is so sanguine about the don't-do-it-yourself approach. Anna Holmes, who included sample send-off letters culled from vintage letter-writing manuals in her anthology "Hell Hath No Fury: Women's Letters from the End of the Affair," which appeared in paperback in December, found the idea of a professional letter writer off-putting at best.
"I'm all for bouncing ideas off other people, but not for having an intermediary do the work," Holmes said. "That's just lazy. If you're so disassociated from the experience that you feel comfortable having somebody do it for you, maybe you shouldn't be sending it at all."
