Eloquent birds...

WHEN DICK CHENEY reportedly dropped the F-bomb on the Senate floor during a recent confrontation with Vermont Senator Patrick J. Leahy, critics assailed the veep for tarnishing the dignity of the Capitol. Cheney later refused to apologize, telling Fox News he'd "felt better afterwards."

But a quick look at a new book from Ten Speed Press suggests Cheney might have felt just as good -- and drawn bipartisan kudos for creativity and wit -- if he'd flipped Leahy the proverbial bird instead. "Field Guide to the North American Bird," coauthored by brother-and-sister team Adam and Lauren Blank, is an illustrated compilation of more than 50 methods of giving someone the finger, from classics like Peel the Banana and Read Between the Lines to party favorites like The Corkscrew and The Sobriety Test, not to mention techniques -- such as Windshield Wipers (the name says it all) -- invented by the Blanks and their friends.

Which bird would be most Vice Presidential? In honor of Cheney's much remarked-upon Louisiana hunting trip with Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Ideas nominates The Skeet Shooter. Here's how it works: At the command "Pull!" accomplices hoist their fists in the air; then, as the lead birdman fires an imaginary shotgun, they take turns flipping the bird and letting their fists -- middle finger still raised -- flutter earthward for the flippee to see. Kapow!