Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Moms, dads, and play time

My column on parent-child play generated some good responses from readers:

Correspondent P.B., for example, offers one perspective on the upper-middle-class tendency to feel they need to get down on the playroom floor with Junior as often as possible:

A few months ago, I was sitting in the lobby of [a local music school], surrounded by a group of very upper middle class, seemingly accomplished, mothers. They were saying that they could never stay home, because they could not play with their children all day.

I entered the conversation, politely I hope, to say that I had been home with three children for 20 years, and had never played with them (this was a slight exaggeration, but mostly true).

I guess I see this new middle class emphasis on play as being mainly a result of two parents working: in other words, a combination of guilt and desire to be with the children in an intense way ("quality time") to make up for the togetherness lost during the workday. Parents who are home can be a lot more relaxed about all this ...

It seems as if no one trusts kids anymore. Boredom and doing nothing are the greatest teachers. I remember a term in Mothering Magazine in the 1980's: benign neglect. The idea was to be there to facilitate, but not direct. So, while your children play store, you might be the customer, if asked, but not supply the idea or the supplies. When my son built the Tobin Bridge with Legos, I read the paper. If he asked how to spell "Tobin" I would help (and only if he asked), or, if he asked how I liked it, I would tell him. But I never got on the floor, nor did I suggest the project in the first place.

Posted by Christopher Shea at 11:00 AM

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