A delicious marital discord

Stars squabble on MTV's 'Newlyweds'

By Renee Graham, Globe Staff, 9/16/2003

When teen pop was at its candy-coated zenith -- or apocalyptic saturation point, depending on your viewpoint -- a few years ago, singer Jessica Simpson and boy band 98 Degrees always seemed the least interesting of the whole heavily manufactured and marketed lot.

Arriving late in the teen pop tsunami -- Simpson after Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, and 98 Degrees following the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync -- both acts never rose above what they so clearly were, namely even blander copies of concepts that weren't especially original to begin with. (Quick! Name a song by either Simpson or 98 Degrees.)

So when this turn-of-the-millennium cultural blip inevitably petered out, it seemed obvious that while Justin Timberlake of 'N Sync and Aguilera might stay afloat in the shifting tide of public opinion, Simpson and 98 Degrees would probably be washed away into the record store cutout bins.

And then, "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica" premiered last month on MTV.

Nothing Jessica or her husband, Nick Lachey, former lead singer of 98 Degrees, did as musical performers was as entertaining as watching them navigate the minefield of a new marriage. After dating for three years, Nick and Jessica married last October, and six months into their marriage agreed to have an MTV crew film their newly conjoined lives.

Before the show began airing Tuesday nights at 10:30, it seemed as if it might be a sickeningly sweet jaunt with Ken and Barbie in their dream house, but the reality has been something deliciously different. On display each week is the hilariously fitful union of Jessica and Nick, with all the bickering, pettiness, icy silences, insecurities, and slack-jawed cluelessness intact. While it's too early to say if this is an ill-fated marriage, it is, at least for the moment, an ill-fitting one. Here, under the harsh glare of lights and cameras, they're discovering the nasty little fact that the person you find yourself living with often bears no resemblance whatsoever to the person you fell in love with.

In the early episodes, those discoveries have come fast and furious, especially since the couple did not live together before getting hitched. After moving into their Los Angeles McMansion, Nick, 29, suddenly realizes that his beautiful blond bride is a high-maintenance brat and an absolute slob who can't comprehend, among other things, the notion of hangers and closets for her clothes. (The house is always in disarray, including a perpetual pile of clothes in the foyer.) In her own defense, Jessica, 23, maintains that she's been spoiled by her parents, pampered by handlers since age 14, and has never had to do anything for herself.

From Jessica's perspective, Nick's main faults are spending too much time cleaning the house (Is this a bad thing?), watching sports, and hanging out with his younger brother Drew, also a former member of 98 Degrees. A classic exchange came with Jessica knee-deep in her daily snit. Nick whispered to his brother, "It's moments like this when I'm glad I don't own a gun, 'cause I would shoot myself." Without missing a beat, Drew said, "Why would you shoot yourself?" (The wisecracking Drew is like a cross between a Greek chorus and Rhoda Morgenstern.)

In between, they squabble about whether to hire a housekeeper, Jessica's jealousy, especially when Nick was auditioning female dancers for an upcoming show, and frankly, everything else. Here, the couple says "Screw you" to each other more often than "I love you." And it all unfolds with a fascinating banality. This is something MTV, the modern pioneers of so-called "reality TV," began perfecting with "The Osbournes." For all their money and fame, what made that family so watchable was how utterly average they were. It was always more interesting watching Ozzy as a befuddled middle-age father at home than as a rock god on stage at Ozzfest.

This is something most other reality shows never get right. They're always about fashioning scenarios to spark interest. But reality, as served up on TV, isn't about eating bugs on deserted islands for cash and prizes or having your life remade by gay fashionistas. It's arguing about bills, idiosyncrasies, and why tuna is called confusingly (at least for the somewhat dim Jessica) "Chicken of the Sea."

From Ralph and Alice Kramden to Tony and Carmela Soprano, the machinations of married life are usually captivating. But since Nick and Jessica are a real couple, the stakes, too, are real. Unlike Ozzy and Sharon, they don't have 20 years of marriage behind them -- they're making the whole marvelous mess up as they go along. And for viewers, it's engrossing TV because we're either watching the awkward moments Nick and Jessica will conquer and laugh about with their kids and grandkids some day, or seeing first-hand evidence of those "irreconcilable differences" that often lead to divorce court.

Renee Graham's Life in the Pop Lane column runs on Tuesdays. She can be reached at Rgraham@globe.com.