Teachers need to know about bullying
Dear Beth:
I'm 12, and I read your column about the girl my age dealing with friends who become foes. I tried everything you suggested except talk to my teacher, because then the girls will know and hate me even more; plus the teachers don't do much. It's also hard to find new friends at my school. So far I have only four who I can truly call friends. The girls who are bullying me are nice to everyone else, so I really can't find a new group. Do you have any other suggestions?
TROUBLE WITH FRIENDS
IN NYC
Even though you may want to be part of the main group, it's terrific you have four good friends. Many kids write who have no friends at all, so I'm relieved you do have some support.
It's difficult to advise you without knowing the specifics of your situation. Is there an adult you do feel comfortable talking to? Perhaps one teacher stands out as being responsive to students? Or a counselor? There may be a general feeling at your school that the teachers won't help, but if you try to think of the exceptions, you may find a teacher you could talk to. Be sure to say that you don't want these girls told that it was you that complained, as it would make things worse. It's important for teachers to get this information because even if they don't confront a particular situation, they become more sensitive to it and talk to other teachers so that they can be on the lookout for bullying.
Some situations are just not possible for kids to change. Not to play down your discomfort, but in a year or so, as you change classes and new people come in, you may find your situation changes a lot. In the meantime, you may have to give up on having a large group of friends and focus on the four friends you have.
Kids can be brutal with one another. It is a tough problem that needs to be solved with the help of parents and the adults who are involved with them. Kids can endure most bullying, but at a cost. The best schools insist on no bullying in every classroom and every activity to create a climate where all kids can learn and thrive.
Dear Beth:
One young man wrote in concerned about getting beaten up if he spoke up for himself. Many schools have created peer mediation programs to address this exact situation. These programs became particularly popular after Columbine and similar tragedies. If his school does not have one, it sounds like such a program is certainly needed. Then he could confront his tormentor within a protected environment, with a neutral mediator his own age, under the guidance and awareness of the faculty and administrators, without the embarrassment of having his ``Mommy'' fight his battles for him. There are good sites on the Internet, including the University of Florida Conflict Resolution/Peer Mediation Research Project, www.coe.ufl
.edu/CRPM/CRPM
home.html.
J. H. FROM RALEIGH
Thank you. All schools should have programs that teach tools to resolve conflicts and accept differences. Another good site is www.schoolmediationcenter.org.
Beth can be reached at askbeth@globe.com.
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