Another truly spacey candidate
Of course we are all very excited by President Bush's new "Lost in Space" program, which aims to put a person on Mars, well, sometime in the distant future, perhaps after the pacification of Iraq. But there is one politician who is not so wild about Bush's new vision of infinity and beyond, because space exploration has been a lynchpin of his presidential campaign. Alas, no one has heard of him. Meet the man who says he has "a clear vision and sound policies to make America a safe and beautiful place to live."
Fern Penna, 40, is a well-to-do business consultant from Kingston, N.Y., and the son of an engineer who worked on the Apollo space program. "Our long-term goal is to be the first nation to have a man step foot on Mars," says some agitprop posted on the Penna for President website, www.penna04leadership.com. "Like Kennedy in the '60s, we need to give ourselves concrete goals that set America as the world leader in scientific and technology research."
So, Mr. Penna -- wuz you robbed? "Yes, it's been my policy for 10 years, and he definitely took it," Penna says. "He'll do anything to get votes or attention. He doesn't have any ideas of his own."
Penna sees the space effort as a vast public-works project, calling for a new fleet of space shuttles, with 24 control centers and launch sites scattered around the country. That, coupled with a doubling of the size of the National Guard, would add more than 7 million jobs to the nation's workforce. "Everyone goes back to work immediately if I'm elected," he says. "No other candidate can offer that."
So how is life on the campaign trail for someone who bridles at being called a "fringe" candidate? "I am not a fringe candidate; I am just not getting the fairness I am entitled to," he explains. "I am a major candidate who's been kicked in the [groin]."
Penna points out that even though he was squeezed out of the Iowa caucuses ("They wouldn't mention my name because I wouldn't pay them money"), he has been quite successful in the online poll posted at the website www.allthink
.com. When I last checked, he was running third behind Dennis Kucinich and Howard Dean, and well ahead of Lyndon LaRouche. Penna hopes to be on the presidential ballot in as many as 47 states, although Massachusetts may not be among them. "They've got Kerry -- they'll do anything to keep other people out," he says. Now it's on to New Hampshire! Indeed, Penna should be in Manchester by now, shaking hands and kissing babies -- his words, not mine. You may think he is a long shot for the primary, but Penna thinks otherwise: "I have a lot of family in New Hampshire and Massachusetts. I have over 5,000 relatives. My great-grandparents had 24 children, and they married into large families; they just exploded. The majority of them are in that area, so I'll have a lot of votes."
Be like Bob Do you sense a . . . wrongward trend in the post-AFC championship New England Patriots? Wouldn't you have felt better seeing pictures of Tom Brady whooping it up at Ciao Bella than of him whooping it up at the State of the Union two nights ago? And now this:
A reader spotted the Bob Kraft Leather Jacket for sale at the Patriots Shop website. It's only $325! Quite affordable if you married a rich wife.
Here is the link for online purchasing -- proshop.patriots.com -- and here is some of the accompanying hype: "Own the identical jacket that Patriots owner Robert Kraft wore at the AFC Championship trophy ceremony. The jacket is made from the finest leather and will be shipped to you within 6-8 weeks of your order (jackets made to order). These unique [curious word choice -- AB] jackets are sure to be an unbelievable keepsake from the Patriots AFC Championship."
I never got through the Pro Shop's jammed telephone lines to learn more about this intriguing product.
Don't know much about . . . . . . geography. In my last column, I placed my hometown, Washington, D.C., above the Mason-Dixon Line. In fact, the line runs to the north of Washington.
Alex Beam is a Globe columnist. His
e-dress is beam@globe.com.
