Perfect strangers

Jared Bibler saw Elisa Stead for only a minute on the T before his stop at Kenmore Square. But in that minute, he noticed the Chanel quilted-denim skirt with the unfinished edges, the camel-colored turtleneck sweater, and, most important, the tall girl with auburn hair who happened to be wearing her ''cool outfit" that Tuesday in early September 2003.

More than a year and a half later, Stead is moving to Reykjavík, Iceland, where Bibler, 30, is a software developer for Iceland's financial sector. That fateful minute was transcribed into an Internet posting by Bibler on craigslist.org's Missed Connections forum, and within 24 hours the two turned a missed connection into an actual one.

Some 7.6 million people search craigslist's Web communities each month to look for roommates, used furniture, or -- as in Bibler's case -- a soul mate. According to Craig Newmark, the 52-year-old founder of craigslist, Missed Connections receives 33,000 posts per month from users trying to find a second chance after a fleeting glance or a drunken night at the local bar by writing free, personal-ad-style entries that are viewed as many as 900,000 times each day.

''Sometimes it's better to have a long-shot chance than just dwelling on a missed connection," said Newmark, who calls himself a romantic. He created the forum under the personals section of craigslist in 2000 and has united two neighbors with their current boyfriends.

The idea isn't new -- many newspapers have similar forums (including the Globe, on boston.com) -- but it has exploded with the free postings on craigslist. Not only do the posts draw visitors who hope to turn a missed opportunity into a possible date, they also draw their share of curiosity-seekers. Newmark expects the number of posts to rise, as it has continually since the forum was added.

Craigslist, which Newmark started in 1995, is divided into major cities such as San Francisco (home of the original craigslist), Boston, and New York to create local forums. Within each city's craigslist site are categories such as job postings, concert ticket sales, and opinions. Missed Connections is craigslist's fourth-most-visited area behind jobs, housing, and for-sale items.

''I checked them a few times a day from work. I really liked the idea of meeting someone this way," Bibler wrote in an e-mail from Iceland. He also liked the idea of a market that gave people another chance of meeting that person who got away.

Bibler turned to craigslist on the off-chance that Stead might see his post. ''Girl on the Green Line 'D' train 7 pm tonight," he wrote. He described Stead as ''tall in a cool denim skirt and curvy brown sweater, great hair and intelligent blue eyes," even noting her grocery bag from Trader Joe's and the tin can she was trying to open.

Meanwhile, Stead was thinking about writing a post to look for Bibler. Instead, she found his post the next day. ''He was so specific," said Stead, a 25-year-old project manager for Environmental Data Resources in Boston. ''It was the stop, the line, the time. I clicked on it, thinking it would be an interesting read even if it wasn't me."

''I remembered the way he looked at me," she said. ''It was an excited, distracted look, and I thought, 'Oh, I'll just sit in front of him then.' "

Although both were in relationships at the time -- she with a touring polo player who was around for the summer, and he with his girlfriend in Seattle -- they exchanged lengthy e-mails and met for their first date the following Monday. When Bibler drove two hours to Vermont to see Stead at Thanksgiving, she said it was impossible to deny their mutual attraction despite other romantic attachments.

''This guy really likes you -- he can't take his eyes off you," Stead remembers her mother saying. Not long after, Bibler and his girlfriend ended their relationship, and Stead's boyfriend left her on New Year's Day 2004 when she was visiting him in South Africa. But Stead was far from heartbroken.

''We fell in love in December," Stead said of her relationship with Bibler. ''He was taking care of my plants when I was away. When I got home, he had filled the house with presents and flowers."

This wasn't the first time Stead found luck on craigslist; last year she traded a pair of jeans for a hard-to-find pair of cream-colored sandals to wear to a wedding. The girl who responded to the trade has since become a close friend.

''I got a pair of shoes, a good friend, and a boyfriend from craigslist," Stead said. ''Now I check Missed Connections every day."

Not everyone is so lucky. Toni Leonard, a 28-year-old advertising executive from Brooklyn, N.Y., recently ended a monthlong relationship with a man she met through Missed Connections. ''Even though it didn't work out, I would use it again," she said. The breakup was amicable, she added. ''It was getting serious, and neither of us were prepared to go down that road."

Some users wish they simply had the opportunity to meet their missed connection. Ed Green, a 34-year-old financial counselor from Newton, was waiting at a checkout line at Stop & Shop when the blond woman in front of him caught his eye. She left while Green paid for his items, so he turned to Missed Connections: ''I was about to ask you for your email and phone # but the register lady started bugging me with paper/plastic questions and you started heading out. Get in touch." Green, who has used craigslist in the past to find roommates, thinks that he and other Missed Connection users are just ''hopeful people in a big set of long shots."

Even though he hasn't received a response and is no longer optimistic about finding the woman, he thinks Missed Connections is a valuable tool. ''There are more people like me who have such regret that anything is worth a shot," he said.

For the fortunate ones like Bibler, who relocated to Iceland in August from his Fenway neighborhood, and Stead, this Internet forum was more than they had hoped for.

''We're getting closer. We're both saying that we're the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with," said Stead, who is preparing to move to Reykjavík in May. ''It was such a short moment and such a slim chance that we both happened to be on the [Missed Connections] board that we feel like some sort of cosmic dating service must have been at work."

Some Missed Connections readers, like Raquel Heckler, a 32-year-old graduate student from Brooklyn, N.Y., believe these posts are only for the lonely and desperate. ''They can be poignant, but funny but pathetic," she said with a laugh. ''It's just so far-fetched that these people will actually find each other. It's a wonderful fantasy life."

Bibler and Stead's story has inspired many of their friends, one of whom has added Missed Connections to his list of Internet communities for finding romance. While he hasn't made a connection yet, Stead is optimistic that his and other singles' chances of finding a mate aren't quite as impossible as others believe.

''Jared is well educated, has a nice family -- and I found him on a train," she said. ''Just be aware of what's happening around you. And have an awesome skirt to wear on the train."