Online dating? Be honest
Sites offer way to track phonies
He sounded like a prince.
''He said he was smart, witty, tall and handsome," recalls the woman known as j29blonde on match.com. She asked that her real name not be used to protect the ego of the ''prince" she met. She thought she clicked with the gentleman when they chatted online. ''It was one of my most memorable dates."
She doesn't mean that in a good way.
When she finally met the so-called Prince Charming, all she saw was a hobbit.
''Upon three double takes it turns out he was 5-feet-6-inches [tall] and far from handsome," she recounted in an interview. ''He also had a twitch. At the end of each sentence he would make a snorting sound with his nose. I think the only thing that was true was that he was in grad school."
Bostonians who click their mouses in hopes of clicking with someone know firsthand the mismatches of online dating. Like the women on ABC's ''Hooking Up" summer series or Diane Lane in the new movie ''Must Love Dogs," they learn that sometimes reality bytes when you log on for love.
But there is help a few keystrokes away. In the past year, several websites have sprung up to help cyber daters discern what is fact from fantasy on someone's profile. The sites allow users to post feedback about the person they met online, including whether the profile the person posted is true. Users can also rate their dates here. Call it Cupid's cyber consumer protection.
Officials from these websites tout their service as a best friend looking out for another friend on a date.
''We are waving the truth flag. The intent and the creation of the site was to provide a truthful and positive attitude for online dating," says Jamie Diamond, a spokesman for the Los Angeles-based truedater.com which launched last January. Visitors can browse reviews from five dating services the company works work with -- American Singles, Match.com,
The site's basic premise is to help determine whether the person reviewed is a ''true dater," meaning he or she was honest in their description. Among the reasons for failed first cyber encounters is the person on the other side of the computer used a Kodak moment that was 10 years old and the physical descriptions were way off.
''In a perfect world, their profile is completely accurate," says Diamond. ''You know how old they are or whether they have kids. But on occasion, you go to
The truedater.com postings take browsers on a journey through the good dates and bad. Some postings appear bitter. Other reviewers seem smitten by the date after meeting him or her.
Reads one review from a Truedater, ''HilahCA is very pretty, smart, has a cool way about her and gets truedater status to boot! She is very active, works out, and shapes the minds of today's youth, plus 5 cool points in my book."
Reads another, ''He is 4 inches shorter than he says and he is married, stay away!"
Diamond says, ''People are out there putting their heart on the line. It's pretty crushing to meet someone who has misrepresented themselves."
The same painful ego-bruising applies to the people who thought they were honest in their profile but were dismissed anyway.
Last April, Julie, who asked that her last name not be used, was looking forward to meeting a South Boston man she met on singlemeetparent.com.
After exchanging photos and agreeing to meet, the North Kingston, R.I., woman drove to the rendezvous point, an Olive Garden restaurant. She knew the make of his car, a green
''He never stopped," she says, describing herself as a 5-foot-2 petite, with brown hair and brown eyes, Italian and intellectual. ''I'm not an ugly girl. People say I have a nice low voice and they expect a model. When they don't find one, they get upset."
A similar incident occurred the month before. Again, she met a man on singlemeetparent.com. They exchanged photos.
''He was handsome and a hard worker and he had two boys. I observed that as good characteristics," Julie recalls. The two exchanged several e-mails for two weeks and then phone calls.
They agreed to meet at an Olive Garden for dinner.
''I had a gift bag," she says. ''I always bring pictures of my kids."
When she finally came face to face with her date, that was the end of the evening.
''He walked up to me and said 'I am extremely disappointed. Your photo wasn't that clear. I am calling the whole night off. See ya, bye,' " she says.
It's that kind of upset these websites are trying to avoid.
Opinity.com, for example, allows cyber surfers to rate other users under categories as a seller does on the Internet auction site
Launched in April in San Jose, Calif., the service allows users to register one or all of their screen names with the website for free. Those who register can post reviews of their personal encounters based on a scale of 1-5. The ratings are then used to total an ''online reputation score" for each Opinity user.
Cambridge resident Joan Appleby wishes she had known about such services two years ago. It may have saved her from mistaking a married man for an eligible bachelor.
Appleby was drawn to a profile of a British engineer in Cambridge on the personals on Boston.com (which is affiliated with this newspaper). The guy said he was a divorced father. He featured a photo of himself in a blue sweater. When asked whom he most resembled, Appleby remembers him stating ''Mr. Bean."
''I thought that was so cute," says Appleby, 47. ''It showed he had a nice sense of humor."
That online meeting led to a drink, discussion, and then dating.
She eventually met his grown children and began a romance. Months into the romance, Appleby fell in love for her Bean man. He asked her to move with him to Qatar, where he was reassigned for his engineering work.
Appleby went with him.
''I closed up my life for him," says Appleby, who left her job as a technician at Massachusetts Regional Hospital and moved with the Mr. Bean look-alike to a housing development in Doha.
One night, Appleby learned the truth the hard way. An e-mail had been left open on his computer screen. It was from his wife.
''He was married!" says Appleby. ''I was very sad that he lied but it hurt more that his kids were in on the lie. I will never do the online dating again."
Appleby broke up with the man and returned to Cambridge, where she now temps. To help heal from the experience, she's penning a book about it. She's calling it, ''Growing up Appleby."
''I don't blame him totally," she adds. ''I blame myself."
For j29blonde, the cyber dater who met up disastrously with her online date in the North End last year, there's a much happier ending.
After dating online last year, she hung up her screenname ''j29blonde" on match.com for good.
''I had given up the whole online thing in June of last year and threw my hands up," says the consultant who lives in Quincy. ''I got really burned out. I got tired. It's a lot of work. It's a needle in a haystack."
She has been dating ''a great guy," and she didn't meet him online.
She met him the old-fashion way: Through a friend.
Johnny Diaz can be reached at jodiaz@globe.com 
