We're on the eve of depression
Last year around this time, a Cardiff University psychologist named Dr. Cliff Arnall scored some publicity with his declaration that Jan. 24 -- tomorrow, for those of you counting at home -- is the most depressing day of the year.
Arnall's analysis, commissioned by a travel agency in Great Britain, factored in weather (bad), debt (large, after Christmas), psychic gloom (significant, after busted New Year's resolutions) and one or two other variables. The divisors in his famous formula
[W + (D-d)] x TQ
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M x NA
are motivational levels (M) and the need to take action (NA).
Arnall, working in ''the great tradition of wacky science," as the Guardian newspaper noted, didn't rest on his laurels. Invoking an equally spurious-sounding formula, this time commissioned by an ice cream manufacturer
O + (N x S) + Cpm
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T + He
he went on to declare June 24 the happiest day of the year. The variables this time were Outdoors; Nature; Social Interaction, Childhood Summers/Positive Memories, Temperature, and Holidays.
His countrymen again rained on his parade: ''Hmm," wrote Richard Morrison in The Times of London. ''June 24 was Friday. I had a puncture cycling to work, then suffered repercussions from the previous night's dodgy curry. And in the post I received what must be Britain's largest phone bill."
Here in the United States, the Centers for Disease Control revealed last June 24 that New York City's Health Department had linked 35 unexplained cases of tuberculosis to unpasteurized Mexican cheese. So it wasn't that happy a day for everyone.
Using yet a different formula -- this one won't be on the test -- Arnall calculated that May 18 was the optimum day for making New Year's resolutions. Well, that's obvious. Less time to mess up. I could conceivably devote the remaining seven and a half months of the year to becoming a better person, although for me Dec. 18 would be a better starting date.
Enough science, for now. The real purpose of this exercise is to get you through tomorrow unscathed. Look on the bright side; Jan. 24 has lots to recommend it. It is the birthday of Oral Roberts, Nastassja Kinski, and Mischa Barton, for instance, and devilishly close to my own. (I was born on the same day as Richard Finch, the original bass guitarist for KC and the Sunshine Band.)
There's so much more. If you are observing ancient Roman holidays, tomorrow kicks off Feriae Sementivae, the first of two wintertime agricultural holidays. If you observe Roman Catholic feast days, tomorrow belongs to St. Francis de Sales, the patron saint of writers. I'll be celebrating over lunch at the Blarney Stone in Fields Corner. In Oklahoma, it's Jim Ross Day, named for the legendary ''J.R.", one of America's favorite heavyweight wrestling announcers.
Good things have happened on previous Jan. 24s, and good things might happen to you. A really long time ago the despotic Roman emperor Caligula was murdered by his Praetorian Guard. Other notable 1/24 occurrences: Jacob Wortman patented the typewriter ribbon in 1888 (who knew it would become extinct?), Robert Baden-Powell founded the Boy Scouts in 1908, and the first Apple Macintosh went on sale 22 years ago.
I'm not saying I'm qualified to teach in the Lifelong Learning department of Cardiff University like Dr. Arnall, whom I failed to reach to discuss his work. But I've put together a relatively simple formula that I think will help you stave off those pesky Jan. 24 blues:
RG + DW + WDSr + LO/2
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N x AT
Words can't quite convey all the complexities, but here is the underlying axiom: ''Read Globe; Ditch work; Watch 'Daily Show' rerun and second half of 'Law & Order' repeat." The critical divisors are ''Nap" and of course a meal at ''Anna's Taqueria."
Follow my guidance, and I think you'll make it through just fine.
Alex Beam is a Globe columnist. His e-dress is beam@globe.com. 