I don't want my MTV -- and then some

Remind me again: Why am I paying $50 a month for services I don't want? Oh, that's right. Because the cable TV monopolists say I have to.

There is a too-quiet debate going on about consumers' right to buy cable TV ''a la carte." That means that instead of buying packages of channels -- ''Basic," ''Expanded Basic," ''Full Tilt Catatonia" -- you would have the right to cherry-pick just the stations you want.

Why haven't you heard much about this? Because the cable barons have trotted out the usual array of performing-seal consultants and economists to assure you that it's not in your interest to get what you pay for. They say it will cost more -- a self-fulfilling prophecy on their part. They say it's technologically impossible, which, with TV going all digital in 2009, makes that an even bigger lie.

Most hilariously, Big Cable affects concern for marginal broadcasters. ''Think of the little guy" is one their specious arguments. ''If everyone just paid for what they watched, the Ovation channel would go under."

Well, R.I.P.

I went through the list of stations I pay to receive and divided them into four categories:

Must have: Outdoor Life (for the Tour de France); E!; C-SPAN (for Parliamentary Question Time and the two-hour Tony Blair press conferences); the major networks, plus Fox and PBS; FX (for ''The Shield"); NESN and the ESPNs, except Classic; Spike; Comedy Central (where's Conan?); TBS and TNT; the all-important Weather Channel; and A&E.

Don't want: Channels 11, 56, 38, 44, NECN, MTV, VH1 (sorry, kids), Discovery, Fox News, Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, ABC Family, Court TV, the two worthless CNN feeds, MSNBC, the History Channel (all Hitler all the time!), AMC, Sci Fi, QVC, BET.

You must be kidding: Lifetime, The Learning Channel, Home & Garden, CNBC (I'll miss Jim Cramer's ''The Rubber Room"), Fox Sports Net (who are those guys?), BCTV (Father, forgive me), Animal Planet, Travel Channel, Game Show Network.

Huh?: CN8, Daystar, Women's Entertainment, Bravo, two ''access channels" (whatever those are), Channels 68, 27, 50, 62, Telemundo and Telefuturo (me gusta el futbol en la tele, pero no hablo espanol), TV Land, HSN, WWDP, and the International Channel.

So let's review the bidding. I pay to get 80 channels, about 20 of which I actually want to watch. Hey, Mr. Comcast, let's make a deal. I'll pay you, say, $25 a month, and you beam me the 20 stations that I want to watch.

I e-mailed this query to a Comcast spokeswoman: ''When will Comcast allow me to choose the channels I want and let me pay for only those channels?" Here is the answer I received: ''We offer a wide variety of programming selections to accommodate the personal preferences of our customers, from a basic $10 package, which includes about 20 channels, to a complete home entertainment experience with more than 200 channels. . . . Comcast is committed to delivering our customers with maximum choice and control."

Translation: Don't hold your breath.

''A la carte" is an interesting issue, because it aligns right-wing ''family-friendly" religious nuts with cranky, cheeseparing pseudo-libertarians like myself. The ''family" types want to buy just the channels that show ''Herbie the Love Bug: Fast and Spurious"; I just want to save a buck. Who's helping us fight the power? Federal Communications Commission chairman Kevin Martin has made noises about favoring a la carte but seems reluctant to push the pedal to the metal. Populist presidential aspirant Senator John McCain is said to be cooking up some legislation that would impose some a la carte pricing on Big Cable, but it hasn't appeared yet.

''This debate feels trapped in the 1990s," says Jon Abbott, executive vice president of WGBH, which sends out two traditional TV channels -- 2 and 44 -- as well as four digital channels carried on some cable systems. ''Pretty soon we may see a situation where more homes have high-speed broadband connections than cable TV, and they can start streaming in whatever programs they want. All of a sudden that's a different choice."

And it's an actual choice, as opposed to what I'm getting now. I can hardly wait.

Alex Beam is a Globe columnist. His e-dress is beam@globe.com.