Foundation no longer has the juice

Russ Cohen is a state employee who seeks out grants for worthy eco-projects. He is also a fan of Nantucket Nectars, the wildly overpriced, sugary sludge drink originally marketed by the notorious "Juice Guys," Tom Scott and Tom First.

So Cohen could be forgiven for believing the piffle printed on the side of every bottle: "The guys behind this juice support community efforts that encourage healthy and active lifestyles." Hoping to land a small grant for an outdoorsy project in Attleboro, Cohen went to the Nantucket website and found a description of "Juice Guys Care," the nonprofit philanthropic arm of Nantucket Nectars formed in 1998.

"We support existing non profits and programs that promote educational initiatives, youth involvement, and community service," the website claims. "Juice Guys Care functions by tapping the resources of Nantucket Nectars and empowering people to help promote the growth of existing programs in their charitable efforts."

Laudable goals! But Cohen noticed that there were no contacts listed for the foundation. With a little research, he ascertained that all of the foundation's directors hail from Rye Brook , N.Y., the offices of Cadbury Schweppes , the soda pop conglomerate that swallowed up the funky juice men in 2002. Cohen also noted that the charity hasn't doled out any money for at least two years. "It's a facade," he says. "These guys haven't been associated with the company for years."

Cadbury spokeswoman Jessica Schoen said Juice Guys Care "is still a legal entity, but it's inactive at this point."

"I think it s just a bummer" that the charity is inoperative, said Scott, now the chief executive of Plum TV, a television channel for rich people. "It was something that we were really proud of, and I wish it was still vibrant." First seconded that emotion. "Tommy and I spent a lot of energy and time building Juice Guys Care," he said from the Cambridge headquarters of O Beverages, which sells flavored water. "It's disappointing to learn they're not in business."

Is Boston really prepared for another Mooninite attack? A friend of mine tried to contact the city's director of emergency preparedness last week and found Carlo Boccia 's name on the website. But Boccia formally resigned in November.

Boccia didn't answer my friend's e-mail, but he did get back to me promptly. He explained that his former deputy, Cynthia Chang , is now the acting director. Boccia said "the mayor still uses me as an adviser. " So I had to ask if he had been summoned to deal with the attack of the Turner Broadcasting cartoon characters. "That was primarily a police department show," Boccia said.

Talk about rapid response! I called the mayor's office asking about the months-out-of-date website around 11 a.m. yesterday. By 1:30, Boccia's name was gone, and Chang's was posted. Bring it on, Adult Swim! We're ready now.

There is nothing quite so pathetic as a 53-year-old, first-time iPod owner. Of course I bought the too-small Nano , and of course it's already filled with songs my children surely acquired while scrupulously observing all applicable copyright laws. (So why do we have toilet paper with the Record Industry Association of America logo on it? Don't ask, don't tell.)

This is just a preamble to hype the Gardner Museum's fantastic classical music podcasts, which you can download from its website gardnermuseum.org . They are recordings of the museum's live concert series, but who ever goes to those? I get the vapors just thinking about trying to find a parking space in the Fens.

I've listened to all five of the podcasts and they are certifiedly wunderbar . I especially enjoyed the Orion String Quartet playing Mozart's String Quintet No. 5, supplemented by an extra viola. Who knew that the viola was Mozart's favorite instrument? You do, now.

Alex Beam is a Globe columnist. His e-dress is beam@globe.com.