'Ex-Wives Club' keys: tears and loathing

It's often fun, when watching a reality show, to guess why the contestants sent in audition tapes. Sometimes, it's obvious: They're narcissists hoping for career advancement, even the chance for some small spinoff showbiz opportunity. The incentive for appearing on "Ex-Wives Club" is less clear, given the price: They have to sob, sniffle, and repeat ad nauseam the worst humiliation of their lives.

In tonight's premiere, which airs at 9 on ABC, we meet Kevin, 35, who lost his wife to his best friend. Now he has money troubles and a stress-related rash on his right cheek. Rebecca, 30, spent seven years married to an oaf, and lost her gym membership and her self-confidence in the divorce.

Tough for them, but a great stroke of luck for reality show producers. "Rebecca is a mess! She's lost herself!" the voice-over intones with obvious glee, as our charge is delivered to her new best friends, who are. . . wait, I've heard of them somewhere before. . .

Oh, yes, Angie Everhart : Once dated Sylvester Stallone , and was also married to some other guy. Marla Maples : formerly married to Donald Trump. Shar Jackson : had babies with a guy named Kevin Federline , and then had to send them off to spend weekends at Britney Spears 's mansion. She must be feeling better about herself these days.

Especially because here on the set, she and her co stars are given the A-list treatment, pumped up and primped and directed to dispense not-so-useful commentary. They coo sympathetically and offer such wisdom as this, from Everhart: "The last thing you really want to be called on your honeymoon is a bitch."

Eventually they offer a plan for rehabilitation, in the form of several reality makeover shows wrapped into one. Our sad sacks get anger-management training from a post-divorce life coach named Debbie Ford , who suggests such profound steps as yelling really loud and throwing old love letters into fires. They get public shaming: Everhart shows up on Rebecca's ex-husband's doorstep to tell him he wasn't a very nice guy.

They get dating re entry: Rebecca is hooked up with a handsome former college football player with a master's degree. He takes her to dinner at a place called "El Encanto" and dutifully kisses her in front of several cameras.

They get career assistance: Maples sets up a cocktail party for Kevin, a mortgage broker, then sets him loose to make a presentation in front of potential clients. "When I got out of the Navy," he tells the room nervously, "I decided the mortgage industry was where I wanted to be." Requests for his business card come furiously.

It all happens so quickly that we have little time to spend with the ex-wives themselves; they're left offering "you go" encouragement and handing out jewelry emblazoned with little "X's." In tonight's show, the editors spend far more time teasing and re-teasing the shot that clearly makes them most proud, the destruction of Rebecca's ex-husband's muscle car.

Everhart, Maples, and Jackson help Rebecca roll it onto a cargo plane. Then they fly it over the Arizona desert and drop it from 10,000 feet. Rebecca declares her glee, and chooses not to dwell on the fact that her husband was probably paid big money to give it up.

We watch the car falling, flipping head over toe in slow motion, and exploding again and again on the desert floor. Thought about a certain way, it could be cathartic for viewers, too: another reality TV concept, crashing to the ground.

Joanna Weiss can be reached at weiss@globe.com. For more on TV, go to viewerdiscretion.net.