Loosen Up, Ladies
In the battle for comfort and style, women have to hand over the sweats but not those flowing pants and cushy shoes.
Wondering what to wear to work? Too old or worldly-wise for Whatever, too young or boho for The Suit? Allow me to introduce the latest concept in correct business attire. I like to call it Office Pajamas.
Gentlemen, you'll have to excuse us; this one is for the ladies in the audience. But look, guys, you already have your uniform, and it doesn't change from year to year. I'm just trying to give us women the same sweet deal.
Unfortunately, you will not be able to find office pajamas, labeled as such, in your nearest fine retail establishment -- though I have hopes that this brief outline may serve as the first volley in a soon-to-be-worldwide marketing campaign. For the moment, however, you will have to rely on a few simple but important criteria when making your selections.
So. How can you tell if a potential outfit is, indeed, a set of office pajamas? First of all, you must ask yourself: "Is this item of clothing, in every way, as comfortable as what I wore to bed last night?" If the answer is no, put it right back on the rack and keep looking.
There go all those pencil skirts, tapered pants, form-fitting blazers, and anything that buttons in the back. High-heeled pumps? I don't think so. We want slipper-soft shoes, loose and flowing jackets, waistbands that forgive us for wanting to take a breath once in a while.
This doesn't seem like rocket science. But as the gender that, mere decades ago, considered the panty girdle not only a normal but an essential article of attire, rather than the medieval torture device that it is, women have yet to win completely in the battle for comfort over looks. Yes, it's true, we have just about vanquished the girdle (sorry, Mom), but pantyhose still remains a threat. And do we even need to talk about the thong?
The problem, ladies, is that we are still complicit in our own oppression. No one is forcing us to wear these things, after all. But I say to you today: A woman who is still wearing uncomfortable clothing is a woman who has not taken full control of her life. Cast off your chains and spandex! Embrace the office pajama!
But, of course, you do still want to look stylish, and this is where it gets tricky. After all, if the only criterion were comfort, you could wear your actual pajamas to work and be done with it. Obviously, however, that will not do -- well, unless you work in a more interesting environment than I do -- and so we need to come up with a simple but foolproof way to make sure that our comfortable outfits are also attractive enough for the workplace.
Here's the test: Would you be willing to be photographed in it? Not a formal portrait, necessarily, but if this happened to be the day when a co-worker showed up with a camera, would you find it necessary to hide under your desk? This simple question rules out anything too baggy, too beige, too just plain schlumpy to qualify as office pajamas. Put those sweat pants back, and don't ask again.
So what, you say, do office pajamas look like? Well, quite often, they look like loose trousers with a T-shirt and an unstructured jacket. For variety, they might involve a sweater. For sheer wackiness, you could swap the trousers with a skirt -- but, remember, it has to be as comfortable as a nightgown, just not as sheer or provocative. Black lace trim, for example, is definitely out.
But just about anything else you like is in. That's the beauty of this uniform: It's not quite uniform. If you like how it looks and how it feels, it qualifies. Everything else -- well, that's for someone else to wear.
If you see someone else looking miserable, though, it is your sisterly duty to spread the word. Office pajamas for everyone!
Just leave the bathrobe at home.
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