Should you confess that you're a blog snooper?

Recently I've been to a couple of parties where I've bumped into acquaintances whose blogs I follow but whom I'm not really that close to. Some of their blogs discuss very personal matters, and I was uncertain how appropriate it would be to bring up some of their semipublic comments in conversation, when it's possible they don't know I'm reading their blogs in the first place.
C.S. /// Stoneham

The Web is the wild frontier of social interaction, with few if any formal rules, but here are some guidelines for the situation you describe. First off, people who have blogs shouldn't be surprised when other people read them. (Those who are surprised need a wake-up call about the lack of privacy on the Internet, and it's a kindness to provide one.) Do mention, as soon as possible, that you read the blog, so that they don't go on telling you every detail of their trip to Guadalajara and only afterward discover that you've already read their travelogue online. This kind of situation can give people horrible retroactive self-consciousness, especially if they repeat the same jokes in person that they'd used on their blog.

It's fine to start a conversation by mentioning something a person has written on his or her blog, but do stick to fairly neutral topics. You may avidly follow Sandra's blog about her twin hobbies of gardening and devil worship, but in conversation with Sandra, stick to gardening (unless she brings up the devil worship herself). Being overly familiar with someone's blog oeuvre can also seem a bit stalkerish, so don't quote dates and titles on posts or bring up arcane details. ("In October you said that Voyager was your favorite Star Trek spinoff, but in March you said it was Enterprise!")

I am a stay-at-home mother, partly out of choice and partly because I have depression, for which I am being treated. My children are now old enough for me to be able to return to work, and so many people ask me questions like "What do you do all day at home?" and "Why are you home?" What can I say - "Hey, I'm in a depression"? Frankly, I feel no need to get into this with people other than my clinicians and my nearest and dearest. Yet somehow I feel ashamed to be at home when my children are now older. Does my mental illness have to come to light for me to have conversations with other moms?
K.D. /// Brookline

Good heavens, woman, of course you don't have to explain to people that you're depressed! If the state of your soul and your serotonin isn't entirely your own business, then I can't think what would be. When people ask what you're up to, tell them that you are working on personal projects, and since you don't have to return to work right away, you're finding it nice to have more time for yourself and your family for a while. Surely this, or some version of it, is all true, depression or no. And it's all anyone needs to know.

But keep in mind that when people ask about your stay-at-home status, their real question may be behind the words they're saying, and it's probably benign. "What do you do all day at home?" for example, probably doesn't mean "Justify your absence from the workforce, sluggard!" It may mean "Don't you get bored?" or "I usually talk to people about their jobs, so what else can we make small talk about?" The people whom you talk to may be envying your more flexible schedule. Or perhaps they have noticed that something doesn't seem quite right with you and are expressing concern - or one of any number of other possibilities. If you're talking to someone you care about, you might try to figure out what they're really asking and address those concerns.

While I have no problem with people living together before marriage, I take issue with being invited to bridal showers for these couples. Are you telling me they have managed to live together for months or years without dishes and towels? Why do shower guests have to pay to upgrade the things they surely must have? Why is it that they are not labeled greedy, but if I were not to bring a gift, I would be labeled rude? I'm happy to share in a friend or family member's excitement and give a gift, but I prefer if it were my choosing and not because it's expected.
M.F. /// Haverhill

Giving a wedding gift is a matter of your own choosing, always. A shower gift is something else, of course - since gifts are the raison d'etre of showers, there's no point attending one if you don't plan to bring a present. (And you might want to give showers a miss for a while until you're feeling cheerier. If I were a bride, I'd prefer to have a friend skip my shower than attend bearing a load of bath towels and resentment.) Wedding gifts, on the other hand, are optional; they are not the price of admission. So you can happily attend weddings, secure in the knowledge that the gift you brought does not represent a knuckling under to unreasonable expectations but is only the natural outpouring of your heart.

MY WORD!

When meeting a new dog, don't try to pat it on the head; dogs don't like that. (Think about how it looks from their angle, and you can see why.) Instead, put your hand out as a loose fist, with the back of your hand forward. Let the dog sniff you. Then just listen and observe - the dog will tell you what it would like to do next.

Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology.