How do you tactfully say farewell to your doctor?

My wife and I take our 1-year-old son to a pediatrician who is one of six doctors in a group practice. We arbitrarily chose one to be our son's primary pediatrician. We have gotten to know this doctor well over the past year, as well as the other doctors to a lesser extent. The six doctors routinely cover for one another. While our doctor is pleasant and certainly not incompetent, we feel strongly that three of the other doctors would have been far better choices. How do we tactfully switch to another doctor in this small group?
J.W. /// Waltham

Pleasant and not incompetent! My, there's a ringing endorsement; just what any parent would want for his or her cherished offspring.

The way you change doctors is simply by doing it. The next time your son needs a checkup or has an ear infection or what have you, call the clinic and ask for an appointment with the doctor you like best. You don't need to have a breakup conversation with Dr. Not-Incompetent. If your current doctor were, in fact, incompetent or had atrocious bedside manners, then you might want to write a note explaining why you made the switch, so as to alert him or her to the problem. But this sounds more like a matter of chemistry, and that happens all the time. Not every doctor is right for every patient - and doctors, at least the pleasant and competent ones, know this and don't take it personally. Chances are high that your original doctor would never question your decision, but if he or she ever does, just say that you really felt you and your son "clicked" with whichever doctor you switched to.

Recently a close friend told me over the phone that she and her husband had drawn up their wills and had named me as the guardian of their 18-month-old daughter if something were to happen to them and if her own parents were unable to care for the child. She has no siblings and her parents are in their 70s, so if something tragic happened, it is possible we could end up caring for their child. Of course, my husband and I would welcome the girl as our own. But what is bothering me is that my friend didn't even ask before she did this. (She and her husband have named me in their wills and trusts in six places, including being a co-trustee for her husband's estate.) Should I bring this up or let it go for the sake of our friendship?
ANONYMOUS /// Concord

My editors never let me get away with "yelling" in capital letters in my column, so I'm just going to have to ask you to imagine this in all caps: Of course you should bring it up!

This is a child we're talking about, not a . . . well, something less important and valuable and vulnerable than a not-yet-grown human being. No matter how close you are, it is amazing that your friends assumed, without asking, that you would be willing to take on the responsibility of parenthood. I wouldn't leave tropical fish to my friends without asking them first. (The friends, not the fish.)

So, yes, conversations should be had. First, talk to your husband and make sure that you truly would be comfortable raising your friends' daughter in the event of the unspeakable. If you are, then tell your friends that you'd like to talk to them more about it. Even if they had asked you properly in advance, you'd still want to have an ongoing discussion about child-raising philosophies, logistics, practical matters (especially since they are trusting you with other fiduciary responsibilities as well), and so on. So discuss the and-so-ons, and as part of that discussion, you can explain that it was a surprise that they would make such a monumental decision without consulting you first. Since you're already talking nuts and bolts, your friends will realize that you are committed to them and their daughter's welfare. Because they realize this, they won't be as likely to take offense if you point out that they overstepped a boundary.

You may also want to suggest that when their daughter is old enough, they inform her of the terms of their will and give her the opportunity to weigh in. My parents asked my opinion about whom I would like to have as my legal guardian, and it meant a lot to me that they did so. It was a sign of trust and respect and made me feel that I had a voice in my own destiny.

One of my husband's clients has invited us to her wedding next month. The meal choices are beef or chicken. I'm a vegetarian. Since I don't know the bride very well, should I just keep my mouth shut and plan on eating a big meal before I arrive?
N.J. /// Dorchester

It was inconsiderate of the couple not to have included a vegetarian option, but what's done is done; the menu is set. It's worth asking for a vegetarian entree or mentioning any other dietary restriction when something can be done about it, but that's not the case here. If you've been sent one of those cards on which to make your choice, you can leave both options unchecked and write "No meal necessary" or "Just side dishes, please; no meat" instead.

MY WORD!

Though a formal thank you note isn't necessary for ordinary dinner parties, cookouts, or the like, it's still good to call or e-mail the host(ess) a day or two after the event. After putting in all the work that a party (even a potluck dinner) calls for, it's dismaying to feel as though one's social life became, in the aftermath, an aching void.

Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology.